


The Start of the End

by abetheman22



Series: From Fifth Year and Beyond [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Endgame Wolfstar, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, First War with Voldemort, Hogwarts Fifth Year, James Potter is a Good Friend, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Oblivious Remus Lupin, Slow Burn, everyone else is bisexual, im looking at you jegulus, severus snape is the token straight, this sounds like crack but its not
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:48:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 36,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27399763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abetheman22/pseuds/abetheman22
Summary: It's 1975 and the start of fifth year for the Marauders. An unknown dark wizard is beginning to recruit students from Hogwarts while Dumbledore seems to be doing some light recruiting of his own. On top of that, puberty has hit everyone like a ton of bricks, leaving Sirius in particular reeling over some newfound feelings for a close friend. James is still determined to win over Lily but it seems as though she might actually be with someone else. Romantic lives aside, the Marauders (minus Remus) have achieved their Animagus forms over the summer and are plotting how to break it to a certain hot-headed and currently brooding werewolf.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Lily Evans Potter/Severus Snape, Regulus Black/James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: From Fifth Year and Beyond [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2001688
Comments: 14
Kudos: 53





	1. The Start of Fifth Year

**Author's Note:**

> I have A LOT of Marauders era ships and this whole series is just going to be exploring them. Endgame Wolfstar and (most likely, I haven't decieded yet) Jily.

Sirius stared as hard as he could at the spot just behind Walburga’s shoulder, determined to avoid looking at her while she lectured him and Regulus. Platform 9 and 3 quarters was bustling as usual, people sidestepping the Black family as they made their way closer to the Hogwarts Express. If Sirius concentrated really hard he could pick out pieces of others conversation over the sound of his mother's grating voice. Eventually though, he gave up on trying after he heard one of the Malfoy’s bragging about some recent engagement or another. He knew it was likely whatever beast of a man his cousin Narcissa had recently gotten hitched to and the thought of them together was enough to break him from his trance. 

“Sirius Orion Black, I’m talking to you! No more associating with blood traitors! Your inheritance is hanging on a fine line, you absolute disappointment.” Walburga’s voice cut through Sirius’s bubble of attention, drawing him back. Refusing to meet her eyes, Sirius just nodded in response. But Walburga was not satisfied with a mere nod as she let out a loud scoff and cuffed him on the ear. Sirius refused to react, instead letting a blank expression mask his features. Beside him though, he could feel his brother twitching unhappily, obviously distressed at the attention being drawn to the small group. “Look at me when I’m talking to you! Orion, are you just going to let him act like this?” Walburga turned to her husband, brows knitted as she took in the man’s obvious disinterest. “Orion!” She called again, smacking him on the shoulder.

“Right-” he mumbled, life flickering back briefly into his eyes, “listen to your mum, boy.” He reached out gently and clapped Sirius on the shoulder before allowing his focus to slip again, tuning out his family. 

“That’s it?! Well of course it is,” Walburgra muttered, her eyes flashing as she focused her attention from her husband to Sirius,“ If I hear you’ve been talking to those boys again there will be consequences. You’re a pureblood, the heir of the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black, act like it for Salazar’s sake!” And with that, she dismissed Sirius, waving her hand so he’d leave her to say a much less threatening goodbye to Regulus. 

Sirius practically sprinted off through the crowd, his trunk dragging behind him as he craned his head to try to spot the Potters who were surely to be taking their time saying their goodbyes. After a moment he found them, standing directly in front of the train with a large cart beside them. Seated in a cage atop the cart was James’s owl, Achilles, who gave a loud hoot when he spotted Sirius. “James!” he called, dropping his trunk to throw his arms around his friend.

“There you are you git, I was starting to worry!” James exclaimed, returning Sirius’s embrace. 

Sirius let him go a moment later, turning to greet the Potters jovially, “Nice to see you Mister and Missus Potter!” 

“Oh honey, you can call us Euphemia and Fleamont you know, you’re family. None of this formality, we simply won’t allow it!” Euphemia said warmly, pulling Sirius in for a hug that Fleamont joined in happily, tossing his arms over the two. 

“We missed you this summer, son. James said your parents wanted you to themselves though, I can understand that, you’re much too entertaining.” Fleamont released Sirius but kept his arm around his wife’s shoulder, beaming at the two boys in front of him. 

Sirius' smile faltered for a moment but he regained control quickly, smirking at the Potters as he said “Well yes, I suppose I did entertain them a bit this summer.”

James, who was planted next to Sirius like he had a sticking charm on his side, groaned at that. “You mean you wreaked mayhem and got in trouble, don't you?”

“But of course, dear Jamie, what else would I ever do while under the roof of the Most Ancient-”

“And Noble House of Black, yes yes, I get it.” James muttered, rolling his eyes at his friend. “Can’t fault you that, I’d do the same thing too.”

“Not in their home you wouldn’t, James Potter. You’d be respectful.” Euphemia chastised, shooting him a pointed look.

“Well-” Fleamont began, faltering as his wife whipped her head up to shoot him the same look. “Well all I was going to say, dear, is that one should only treat others with respect if one deserves that respect.”

“And?” Euphemia prompted.

“And, I do believe the Blacks may not always act in ways that warrant such respect-” Fleamont was cut off from finishing by Sirius and James’s laughs, smiling sheepishly at them while his wife continued to glare.

“He’s got a point, he does!” Sirius laughed, leaning into James as the other boy doubled over.

“Oh you three, no manners at all!” Euphemia muttered but her face betrayed her amusement, her lips quirking at the edges. 

“Oi! ‘Bout time I found you guys, I’ve been wandering around for ages!” The group turned to greet Peter Pettigrew who had meandered his way over, a large cart pulled behind him. 

“Heya Pete, where’s your mum?” James asked as he pulled Peter into a quick hug.

“Oh she just had to leave a bit early, big meeting later. How’re you Mister and Missus Potter?” Peter said as he was passed to Sirius for a hug. 

“Lovely as always dear, thank you. How was your summer?” Euphemia replied, drifting off into small talk with the newest arrival.

Sirius began to tune them out after he heard Peter say something about “balmy weather, isn’t it, Sir?” and instead began scoping the room for a familiar mop of brown hair. His search proved fruitless, leaving him to scowl deeper into the crowds amassing closer and closer to the train. He knew Remus was usually late to the platform, but after the amount of letters the two had exchanged this summer, he had hoped the boy would be just as excited to see him. Remus had been chattier than usual this summer, which had made Sirius’ time stuck in Grimmauld Place much more bearable. He knew Remus had probably only been more chatty since he knew Sirius had been particularly upset about spending a summer isolated again, but he refused to let himself focus on that detail. Instead, he tried to convince himself Remus wrote to him more because he just liked talking to Sirius. His little lie began to slip, though, as the whistle sounded, cueing the students that it was a final call for boarding. Feeling a bit let down, he squeezed Fleamont and Euphemia tight before he grabbed his trunk and followed Peter to the train. 

Sirius's eyes searched the compartments as he followed Peter farther back, hoping that Remus would be holed up somewhere waiting for them. He was disappointed though as they reached their usual spot with no sight of him. After he tucked his trunk away, Sirius collapsed on the seat, allowing himself a millisecond to mope before James and Peter might notice. The two sat down across from him, chatting mildly about Quidditch as Peter began to pull out chocolate frog cards to trade. 

“Hey guys, did you see Remus at all?” Sirius asked, causing both boys to start as they seemed to remember that Sirius was there as well.

“Merlin, Sirius! You were so quiet I thought you’d gone to the loo,” James wheezed, clutching his chest in surprise. “No, I didn’t see him. He’s fine though, I’m sure. He wouldn’t miss the train. I’m certain he’ll find us before too long, you know how he is.”

“Right…” Sirius said, but neither boy had heard him. Both had already turned back to their cards, arguing with each other as they traded. Sirius leaned further back, trying to will himself to relax. James was right, Remus is fine, he told himself, leaning his head against the cool glass of the window. He allowed himself to drift off, trying his best to keep his mind off of Remus. For some reason though, he couldn’t seem to get him out of his head. The boy had been so lively in his letters, sassing left and right about muggle politics and the latest records he managed to procure. Sirius had eaten it all up, enjoying any and all talk about muggle things while he had been cooped up with the most pureblood of purebloods. Remus had promised to show him some records when they got to Hogwarts, along with a vast array of muggle newspapers and magazines. 

Sirius sighed contently as he daydreamed about looking at muggle things with Remus, not even realizing the boy himself had plopped down next to him until he heard James yell out “Moony!” and launch himself at him.

He watched Remus squeeze James and then shove him back across the aisle, turning then to clap Peter on the shoulder. Sirius couldn’t help but stare, his mouth likely hanging open he was sure, but he really couldn’t help it. Remus hardly looked anything like he had before the summer. He’d shot up at least a foot, now towering over the other boys in the compartment. Along with that, his hair had grown out nearly as long as Sirius’s, skimming his shoulders. His face had gotten more chiseled, his features now refined like the stature of young Merlin his parents had erected in the sitting room. Sirius watched Remus’s eyes turn to him, trying his hardest to reign in the dopey look he knew had to be on his face.

“Remus!” Sirius croaked happily, his voice cracking. “Look at you! You grew up!” He could sense an eye roll from Remus as he hugged the boy enthusiastically, feeling the hard muscles under his shirt press against his own chest. Only a second too late did he realize he was hugging him far longer than he probably should, so Sirius released Remus quickly, feeling his face heat up. “It’s like you’re a man now, or something. No more little Moony.”

Remus groaned at that, his face gleaming red, “ I sincerely hope I was never “little” Moony. Only “big” or “giant” or “scary” or “literal monster” Moony would be permissible.”

“Well you’ve never been any of those previously but giant Moony could work,” Sirius said, tapping his chin in feigned thoughtfulness.

“I don’t know, I think hot Moony suits him better now,” James' voice came from across the aisle, startling the two boys who had forgotten they weren’t alone in the compartment. James was giving Sirius a knowing look, smirking in full force at the boy's red face. “You’ve certainly gone and gotten all hot on us, Moons. How’s Sirius supposed to be the womanizer now?”

“I’m sure he’ll manage just fine,” Remus said, rolling his eyes at James. “Even if I did get more good looking this summer I’ll never be able to compete with the lady killer over there.” 

Sirius could feel his face heating up even more at that but he knew he was supposed to be sassing him back, not blushing like a schoolgirl. He cleared his throat a bit, willing his voice not to crack, “I don’t know, lads, I think my lady killing days may be behind me. Maybe it’s Moony's turn to take over.”

He heard both Remus and Peter laugh at that, but James was giving him that same knowing look. “I know Moons is hot now, but I’ve pulled way more birds, shouldn’t I be next to wield this oh so noble title?” He asked, still eyeing Sirius. 

Remus laughed rather self-deprecatingly at that, nodding as he said “ I agree, James is much more suited for that title than me. No ladies would want to be killed by me-”

“Moony, dear sweet Moony, you’re a gem,” Sirius cut him off, still avoiding James’s eyes, “of course women would want to be killed by you, I’m sure they’re going to be lining up for you to kill them-”

“Okay maybe we should stop calling this lady killing,” Peter pointed out.

“Fine, fine, Moony women are going to be throwing themselves at you this year, just you wait!” Sirius finished, waving his hand at Peter. 

“Not just women too, I’m sure.” James said, finally managing to get Sirius to look at him, his face a deep glowing red.

Remus laughed at that, shaking his head at James as he started to stand up. “Well on that note, I’m gonna head out. I just stopped in to see you all real quick.”

The other boys looked up at Remus in confusion, watching him turn to the compartment door. “Wait, Remus! Where are you heading?” James asked, brows drawn together.

“Oh, ya know. Just gotta step out for a bit…” Remus answered, refusing to turn back as he yanked the door open.

“Wait! Remus!” Sirius called, shifting over to him so he could grab his arm. “Are you avoiding us? Did you get a g-girlfriend or something?” Sirius managed to force the word “girlfriend” out, confused as to why he was suddenly fervently angry at the thought of Remus off in a different compartment snogging some bird. 

“What? No! Merlin, no!” Remus exclaimed, shaking his head. “I’ve just got a prior engagement.” He finally turned back to the other boys, seeming surprised to find them all frowning at him. Sirius knew he had to look downright off, he couldn’t help the relief that had overtaken him at the fact that Remus did not have a secret girlfriend. Sirius pulled on Remus’s arm, drawing him back into the compartment a step or two and then pulling him down onto the seat next to him.

“We’re on a train, Rem. What prior engagement could you have on a train?” Sirius asked, still clutching onto Remus.

“Well-” The boy began, avoiding eye contact as he searched for an answer. James was eyeing him shrewdly, seeming to be looking for something. As Remus continued to flounder for an excuse under the frowns of his friends, James seemed to reach a conclusion. 

“Aha! Remus John Lupin, do you happen to know who the prefects are in our year?” James asked, a small smirk on his face.

Remus’s face turned panicked at that as Sirius called out, “Oh yeah! I forgot we get two prefects this year! Do you know who they are, Moony?”

“I might…” Remus muttered, looking like he’d rather be anywhere but there.

“Well, Remus?” James prompted, still smirking. 

“Okay fine!” Remus sighed after a beat, using both hands to rub at his temples while he stared determinedly at his lap, “I’m a prefect. Happy now are you, James?” 

Peter let out a surprised whoop at that while James nodded, clapping Remus on the shoulder happily. Sirius allowed himself a second to be surprised and a bit hurt before he plastered on a smile and seized Remus’s arm with both of his hands, shaking him happily. “ A prefect! Remus Lupin, a prefect! Oh boy did we luck out!”

Remus let out a long groan, collapsing back into his seat. “Now we can get away with anything! Oh Merlin, imagine the pranks we can do this year with a prefect on our side!” James said happily, gazing off into the distance in what appeared to be a blissful imaginative haze.

“See, that right there, that is why I didn’t want to tell you lot!” Remus said, closing his eyes as he lifted his face heavenward in an exceedingly dramatic huff. 

Sirius watched his dramatics fondly, pushing his disappointment that Remus hadn’t told him when he’d found out over the summer aside. “Don’t ya gotta meeting to attend, Rem?” Sirius said, poking Remus in the side to try to rouse him. 

“Fuck!” He exclaimed, leaping up in an instant as he stormed out of the compartment. 

The remaining boys burst out laughing as they watched their friend stumble out. “Remus a prefect, wow.” Peter said finally, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye as he clutched his side. 

“I know, right?” Said James, shoving his chocolate frog cards back into his pocket. “I am proud of the git, though. He does deserve it. He’s the best of us. Isn’t he Sirius?”

Sirius shot him a glare but nodded, “he is indeed. Our perfect prefect Moony.”

The three boys spent the remainder of the ride making small chit chat, talking about their summers and the standings of various quidditch teams. Sirius found himself withdrawing from the conversation a bit, instead relaxing with his head against the window, watching the Scottish countryside whip past him. He found his thoughts once again drifting off to Remus, but now they carried a much more prominent mopey haze. He couldn’t quite understand why Remus hadn’t told him about his appointment to prefect in any of his letters over the summer. Sirius had been under the impression that they’d developed a closer friendship. The two had discussed their families and problems in much more detail than either usually would, both finding that getting everything out to someone you trust could be helpful. Sirius remembered Moony’s particularly harrowing renditions of his full moon transformations over the summer and was again happy that he and the other boys had decided to become Animagi. Though, of course, Moony was not aware of that yet.

Remus was not usually one who would let people know he was having a bad time, but apparently, Sirius spilling his guts about his mother had broken down some of his walls. Or maybe not, Sirius thought, remembering again that the boy had withheld the fact that he’d been made a prefect. 

Sirius willed himself to forget about it for now, deciding that later he would corner Moony and ask him, later when he had a better hold on himself. Currently, he was fighting to keep from thinking about how muscular Remus had felt in his arms. Surprisingly, Sirius was not as distraught at his less than straight thoughts as he’d thought he would be. He figured this was due to him picturing telling Walburga he’s bent and how much she’d absolutely lose it at that. Pissing Walburga off was one of the few joys Sirius found in his borderline abusive family. Well, according to Remus’s letters, his family wasn’t just borderline abusive. Sirius refused to think about that though, instead trying to think about normal topics like quidditch and that James is the new captain. He’d wrote and told them all this summer about it. James as captain was going to make quidditch somehow even better since it practically ensured them a win against Slytherin. Their previous captain hadn’t tried to fight back against the Slytherin teams quite frankly dirty cheating whereas James had no issues with fighting fire with fire. ‘Only against Slytherin, though’ he’d said in his letters, making Sirius promise not to harass the other two houses. 

Sirius daydreamed about beating Slytherin to a pulp in quidditch, again startling when Remus seemingly appeared out of nowhere beside him. “Oi, Sirius! You alright?” He asked, smiling as Sirius jumped.

“Yep, just dandy my dear Moony. How was prefect duty? Who made it this year?” Sirius asked.

“Well, Evans did-” Remus began, dropping his voice to a whisper that was apparently futile as he was instantly cut off by James at the mere mention of Lily Evans.

“My Lily flower is a prefect? Well of course she is! Brightest witch there is, that one! Oh Merlin, I’m so happy for her! How was she, did she look good? Who am I kidding, of course she did, but did she look different, more radiant perhaps-” James began, his voice taking on a dreamy tone.

“OI! What’d we say about the Lily talk?” Peter cut in, clapping his hand over James’ mouth before he could finish. Both Sirius and Remus shot Peter grateful smiles, letting out small sighs of relief. James mumbled something in response, his voice muffled behind Peter’s hand. Peter still held on, one eyebrow raised at James. “Now, when I remove my hand you gotta quit the Lily talk, alright?” He said, his demand coming out like a toddler trying to order around their parent. James mumbled yet again while nodding, leading Peter to promptly drop his hand, still giving James a look. 

“Merlin, Pete. If I knew you were gonna get so handsy about it I wouldn’t have put you in charge of keeping me from monologuing about Lily. Good job though, mate.” James said, wiping his mouth as he spoke. Peter preened a bit at the praise and then turned back to the sandwich he’d been devouring before Remus had come back. 

“Lily looked fine, James. About the same from the last time we saw her, I reckon,” Remus said, his shoulder brushing against Sirius’ as he reached to pluck a chocolate frog from James. Sirius felt his whole body heat up at the brief contact and found himself scooting a bit away from Remus to try to get a hold of himself. A simple shoulder brush was causing his body to react in ways one shouldn’t around a friend and he was still lost as to why the sudden change. Just last year he’d been going from girl to girl, picking one up and then dropping them as fast as he could. He’d made his way through nearly all of Gryffindor and most of Hufflepuff, having decided to put off the Ravenclaws until the next term started. Yet here he was, acting in ways he really never had around any girls. He never did get nervous around them or feel so affected by a simple touch. He usually just snogged them the moment he got a chance, not caring much to do anything else. “Seriously, are you alright, mate?” Remus asked, cutting through Sirius’s thoughts.

“I’m fine, really. No need to worry your pretty little head about good ole’ Siri, I’m doing great!” Said Sirius, voice catching a bit as he forced himself to smile his usual shit-eating way. Remus didn’t seem convinced but must have decided to drop it. He relaxed a bit more in his seat, chewing quietly on his chocolate frog. 

Sirius watched him out of the corner of his eye, noticing for the first time just how tired the other boy seemed. Deep bags were pooled under his eyes and his cheekbones were sticking out a bit, giving him an almost gaunt look. It could have been unattractive on anyone else, but Sirius just thought he looked like a muggle model. He kept watching him, trying his best to clamp down his worry. He really did seem tired. This realization caused Sirius to instantly start worrying and sorting through in his head what the last few letters Remus had sent him had contained. Nothing had touched on a lack of sleep, not a single one. As Sirius began to worry more, he kept tuning the other boys out, finding himself spiraling a bit mentally until Remus yawned big enough that he whacked him in the head with his elbow. After this, the boys were prompted to change into their school robes as they were nearing Hogwarts. 

“Fifth year, boys!” James said after they’d changed, throwing his arm around Peter’s shoulder and stretching his legs out onto Sirius’s lap. “I have a good feeling about this year.”

“You suck at Divination, I wouldn’t trust that good feeling of yours,” Peter muttered, rubbing his eyes tiredly. 

“Hey, I resent that!” James spluttered, shoving Peter away from him before crossing his arms to mock pout.

“Alright, alright, no catfights yet, we aren’t even on the grounds yet.” Remus said, flipping the page of a well-worn book Sirius couldn’t see the cover of. “Why would you even fight about Divination, anyway, it’s a garbage subject.” Both Peter and James seemed to take great offense to that as they both looked highly affronted and began spluttering about “reading the future” and “the future is everything” and “you don’t need the gift to know it’s cool” but Remus was steadfastly ignoring them while he smirked at his book. Sirius couldn’t help the smile that lit up his face while he watched Remus continue to tease the other two. He realized with great fondness that this is what he had missed the most while cooped up in Grimmauld Place all summer. Just him and his mates. His real family.


	2. Perfect Prefect Moony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry in advance for any spelling mistakes, whoops.

As Remus walked through the entrance to the Great Hall he found it harder and harder to concentrate on his friends' conversation. The growing clamoring of students seated around the four tables would normally be enough to throw him, but that wasn’t the only reason he found himself drifting away while his mates laughed with one another. His exhaustion was eating him alive, yawns overtaking him every time he dared to try opening his mouth. The summer had been exhausting, worse than any Remus had ever experienced. A growing werewolf coupled with regular human puberty was apparently enough to flatten a person both mentally and physically. Remus wasn’t sure how he’d be able to pay attention in any of his classes this year, which was why he’d considered not even going. If it hadn’t been for Sirius’s letters fervently expressing how excited he was to see Remus and hear all about muggle records and media he was sure he would have just stayed home. 

Their small group finally reached the Gryffindor table and were about to assume their usual positions when Sirius threw himself down next to Remus, cutting off Peter. “Thought we might switch things up, hm?” Sirius said, flashing Peter a wink and waving him over to the other side of the table where James was seated.

Remus didn’t think he quite had the energy to deal with an onslaught of questions from Sirius and had been looking forward to sitting quietly with Peter, only needing to join the conversation when prompted. Now he knew he had no escape. Sighing, Remus turned to face the front, ready to try to quietly wait for the sorting to begin. Of course, Sirius was having none of that and scooted as close as possible to him, flashing him his winning smile that Remus refused to admit made him feel a bit weak in the knees.

“So Moony,” Sirius began, still smiling, “any new muggle records-”

“Remus Lupin! Oh goodness, did I miss you this summer!” Came a booming voice from Remus’s other side. A moment later Mary Macdonald was dropping herself daintily next to him, elbowing Frank Longbottom a bit to make room. “I’m so happy to see you’re a prefect! You really deserve it!” 

“Thanks, Mary. It’s nice to see you.” Remus replied politely, trying his best to not betray any of the exhaustion he was feeling.

“How’d your summer go? Amazing I’m sure, with you looking like that!”

That threw off Remus’s polite veneer for a second, “looking like what?”

“Well you know, all handsome! You’re certainly quite dashing!”

“He always has been, hasn’t he?” Came the voice of Dorcas Meadowes as she squeezed her way between Frank and Mary. 

“Oh. Well, uh, thank you-” Remus managed to squeak out, not used to so much attention at once.

“Yes, yes, he’s dashing, we all know,” Sirius said, waving his hand dismissively at the two girls, “but he is more than just a slab of meat ya know.”

Both girls shot glares at Sirius before focusing back on Remus, apparently deciding not to acknowledge that Sirius had even spoken. “I was wondering if I could talk to you in private after the feast, Remus?” Mary said.

“Oh, I was wondering if I could too!” Dorcas squeaked, jumping a bit in her seat.

“Well, I have prefect duty right after-”

“That’s fine, we can talk after!” Mary said quickly, smiling sweetly at Remus while she gently laid a hand on his shoulder. “Your duties come first, of course.”

Dorcas quickly jumped in, reaching over Mary to lay her hand on Remus’s knee, “oh yes, I would never get in the way of your responsibilities, Remus.”

“Oh, never!” 

“It’s so sweet how responsible you are-”

“Oh, it really is, everything about you is quite sweet!”

“You’re the sweetest, Remus, truly!”

The girls kept talking quickly over one another, both vying for Remus’s attention. Remus himself was struggling to keep his focus on the girls, wondering to himself what he possibly did in a past life to warrant this level of torture. The attention was really too much, especially as more Gryffindor girls began to take notice and try to force their ways closer to get a word in. Sirius seemed to take pity on him, cutting in quickly before things could continue to escalate, “It’s really too bad he’s so responsible, you see. He wouldn’t want any other obligations to distract him from those. He’s already capped out with us boys, there’s no way he could make time for anyone else…” 

This seemed to cause the girls to deflate a bit as they realized that a girlfriend would probably be incorporated within that. 

“Oh, well. That makes sense, I guess…” said Mary, removing her hand from Remus’s shoulder and turning to Dorcas.

“Oh yes, that… that does make sense.”

“I guess we’ll see you around, Remus.” 

“Yes, see you,” said Dorcas as she gave Remus’s knee one last squeeze. 

Remus sighed a bit in relief, giving one last half-hearted smile in their direction before whipping around to face Sirius. He shot him a grateful look, hoping that was enough to display the level of thanks he wished to give him. Girls were just another thing Remus was not well equipped to deal with, especially since he had no previous experience with them at all. The only girl he really talked to is Lily, and that was just in classes since they shared some that the other boys were not in. Sirius and James were the ones who were constantly talking to girls, and even Peter talked to them more than Remus. Peter had even had a girlfriend, some Ravenclaw girl he dated for two weeks their third year. Actually, now that Remus thought about it, that meant Peter had had a relationship the longest out of any of the other boys. Both James and Sirius seemed either unable or unwilling to keep a steady relationship, though for James it at least made sense. The boy had been holding out hope for Lily ever since first year. Sirius, on the other hand, went from girl to girl simply because he didn’t seem to want to be held down.

Remus was quite frankly surprised that Sirius hadn’t hit on the girls just a second ago, even if he’d already snogged them last year. Actually, Remus was very surprised. Sirius would flirt with anything in a skirt, even if he had already hooked up with them. Remus eyed his friend carefully, watching the man have some sort of nonverbal conversation with James. Peter was shooting them both worried glances, seeming to try to work up the nerve to break the silence. Remus found himself quite happy with the quiet, turning from Sirius to focus his attention back on the front.

A moment later headmaster Dumbledore had taken to the front, calling all of the students to attention. “Good evening all, welcome back to another year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Before our feast, let us welcome a new group of first-year students to our school. Let us all give them a hand,” his voice boomed throughout the hall, leading the students to clap after he finished. The first years filed in behind a stern looking Professor McGonagall who was clutching the sorting hat loftily in her hand. After the room settled back into silence, McGonagall called the first student up to be sorted, “Aberdeen, John.” Remus tried to focus on the first years as they were called up but quickly found his exhaustion getting the better of him. 

He let his mind wander, feeling eyes on him as he looked around the hall. Two tables over he caught the gaze of some Ravenclaw girl who abruptly turned red, sending him a wink before she turned back around. Remus felt his face heat up and quickly turned away, deciding to never look at anyone ever again and telling himself, no, that’s not too dramatic and no, it’s not too unrealistic. It seemed Sirius had also tuned the sorting out as a moment later he let out a quiet sigh, running his hands through his long hair in apparent boredom.

Remus felt his eyes being drawn to Sirius’s hands, watching as they carded through the strands, pulling out knots as they went. His long black hair looked far too soft for his own good, and as he pulled through his hair, a soft scent of strawberry wafted up to assault Remus’s nose. Remus found himself breathing it in against his better judgment, feeling his whole body heat up. He let himself go ridged, sure that if he moved his body would absolutely betray his sudden surge of feelings to everyone around him. Unfortunately, Sirius took notice of his posture and elbowed him in the side gently, trying to get his attention.

Remus turned slowly to look at him, trying his best to keep a straight face and not betray the panic that was coursing through him. It seemed as though he succeeded, as Sirius just shot him a small, worried smile. 

“You alright, Moons?” Sirius whispered, leaning his head closer to Remus as he spoke.

Remus felt himself tensing up, wishing he could run as far away as possible and hide until everyone forgot who he was. “I’m fine, Sirius. Pay attention.”

Sirius scoffed, “to what, the little baby snake that just skipped over to Mulciber? Not likely.”

Remus rolled his eyes and decided not to bother to respond. 

Sirius, though, was not having it. He scooted even closer, pressing his whole side against Remus and leaning over so that his mouth was just a hair away from his ear and whispered, “What’s wrong?” 

Remus felt his face flushing even brighter red as a shiver rocked his body. Sirius’s breath on his ear and neck was doing way too much to him and he had no idea what to do to cope with it, shy of running out of the hall as fast as possible and never looking back. Deciding that may be a bit (just a bit) of an overreaction, Remus let himself sigh and turn his head to Sirius, leaning over to whisper in his ear, “I’m fine, really. We can talk later, alright?” 

Sirius stilled next to him, blinking rapidly as color flooded his face. Remus raised an eyebrow at him, waiting for his response. Sirius seemed absolutely thrown, though, and just kept sitting ramrod straight, blinking like he was coming out of a dream. It was Remus’s turn to worry and worry he did. Sirius had simply not been acting anything like his usual self. Usually, nothing would shake the man and he was unapologetically loud and obnoxious, never one to sit quietly with his mouth shut for longer than five seconds. So naturally, this lack of movement and response was cause for worry, so Remus nudged him with his shoulder, hoping to snap him out of whatever trance he seemed to be in.

The nudge seemed to work because Sirius then whipped his head around, though he still avoided looking directly at Remus. “Fine, fine,” he whispered, pointing his face back towards where the last of the first years were being sorted. 

After the last name had been called Dumbledore again took to the front. His speech was short and sweet, something about “Hogwarts always being welcoming of all kinds of students” before he advised everyone to tuck in for the feast. Food appeared along the center of the table in front of Remus, reminding him just how hungry he was. He piled his plate high, elbowing Mary accidentally as he did so. The girl shot him a rather unkind look, proceeding to act as though he didn’t exist for the rest of the feast. Remus found he rather preferred that and let himself drift off while he ate. 

James kept talking after every bite, trying valiantly to get Lily Evans to notice him from where she was sitting much farther down the table. Lily, to her credit, acted as though James Potter didn’t exist at all, a talent Remus found himself admiring in her. If Remus could make himself pretend others didn’t exist, he thought that would make things quite a bit easier for him. Especially after he overheard Dorcas whisper to Mary something about “cute arse” before the two giggled quietly to themselves. 

“Well Remus, you’ll talk me up to dear Lilypad won’t you?” James asked, waving his fork at Remus.

Remus paused mid-bite, eyeing the boy across from him. “ ‘Course, James,” he said, knowing he had no intention to do so. Any word about James to Lily that wasn’t followed by “is an ass” was strictly off-topic between the two and Remus had no intention of pissing the girl off. 

James beamed at Remus, unaware he’d been lied to. “Mention that I’m quidditch captain, alright? Women love a man with power.”

Remus couldn’t help but roll his eyes at that, though he did nod in agreement so James wouldn’t continue to bug him about it. 

“Speaking of quidditch captain, when are you holding tryouts? How many positions do ya gotta replace this year, I didn’t pay attention,” Sirius asked, promptly taking the attention off of Remus. The boys immediately dove into quidditch talk, leaving Remus to sit blissfully quiet while he finished eating. 

After the feast had ended, Dumbledore stood one last time, giving them parting words of unity and friendship before he dismissed the student body for the night. Remus was content to sit a moment, letting everyone else shoulder pass him in a race to the common room. Only a moment later though, Lily had bound up to him and stood with her hands on her hips, looking more serious than he’d ever seen her.

“Remus Lupin, we have to lead the first years to the common room, remember?” She said rather moodily, pointedly ignoring James as he dashed over to greet her. 

“Well hullo, Evans! How was your summer? You look beautiful as always, good Merlin!” James exclaimed, practically tripping over himself in a rush to get to her. Lily ignored him, refusing to even turn in his direction. James, though, refused to deflate and became even more persistent. “Cheers on making prefect, you’ll do a fine job!”

This statement seemed to push her buttons just right as she finally snapped, turning quickly to glare at him, her hands still firmly on her hips. “Potter, I’d be able to do a “fine job” at it if you’d leave me alone to do it! And you-” with that, she pivoted around to face Remus, who still was sitting firmly on the bench, “you need to hurry up and help me so we can get the first years sorted!”

Remus blushed at that, upset at himself for forgetting they had to lead the first years. He hopped up and turned to Lily, grabbing her arm before she decided to hex James in front of the whole Great Hall. “You’re right, let’s go. Poor lot are still just sitting waiting for us, I’m sure,” he said as he all but dragged her down the aisle to where the first years were clustered together.

Lily deflated as she let herself be led away, shooting Remus a grateful look. “Sorry, Remus. He just gets under my skin, ya know?” 

Remus nodded, “I know. You usually do a good job at ignoring him, though.”

“I know, I don’t know why that of all things got to me. The git. Ugh, you were right they are just sitting there looking lost,” she said as they approached the group. The first years looked up at the approaching older students, shooting each other worried looks as they huddled together. “Alright, my name’s Lily Evans and this is Remus Lupin, we’re fifth year prefects. We’ll be the ones leading you to your dorms, so go ahead and follow us.”

The first years hurriedly got to their feet and followed Lily as she turned on her heel, not bothering to check that they were following. Remus smiled at that, knowing he’d be forced to play the role of the more “relaxed” prefect to balance Lily’s strict nature. He waited until the last of the group had risen and followed Lily before tagging along behind, keeping an eye out for any stragglers. The small group half sprinted in an effort to catch up to Lily, their short legs putting them at a disadvantage to the tall girl who was still striding in front with purpose.

After they wound their way through the castle with only minimal mix-ups thanks to the staircases, the group found themselves in front of the Fat Lady. She was looking rather peeved off and was glaring at the approaching group. “Password?” She said shirtily, looking down at them from over her nose.

“Squid,” Lily said, giving the first years a pointed look over her shoulder while she waited for the portrait to swing open. 

“You need to say the password every time you enter the dormitories and it changes every week,” Remus said quietly to the gathered students. They all looked behind to smile gratefully at him before Lily began waving them in.

The group made their way into the common room which was rather busy for it just being after the feast. A lot of older students, including James, Peter, and Sirius, were gathered around the fireplace, catching up with each other happily. Apparently even Lily’s near running pace hadn’t been enough to beat the crowd of students into the dorm, much to Remus’s disappointment. He was not looking forward to an audience for their run-down of rules to the first years.

“Alright you lot, gather around,” Lily said, her voice taking on a much lighter tone amidst the gaze of her peers. “This is your common room, where you can gather in between classes to study or relax. Up those stairs to the left are the girl's dormitories, first years will be in the first door. To the right are the boys, same goes for them. Boys are not permitted in the girl's dormitories and girls are not permitted in the boys. Curfew is 10 PM, you must be in the common room by then. Tomorrow at breakfast your class schedules will be passed out by our head of house, Professor McGonagall. She’s the one who led your sorting today. I’d advise you to speak with her if you have any major issues, but feel free to come to us or any other prefect if you have any questions.” Lily paused, shooting Remus a look to likely see if he wanted to add anything.

Remus gave her a quick smile and cleared his throat, feeling all those little eyes turning to look at him. “Really, if you need any help at all, please find us. Boys, knock on the fifth year dorm door if you need anything in the night. Oh, and breakfast is at 9 AM, try not to be late. I know this is a lot for your first day, but this year is going to be great, I promise,” Remus paused, meeting Lily’s eyes where she was smiling enthusiastically at him and nodding that she was finished, “well, I believe that’s all. Have a good night you lot!” The students all flashed him shy smiles before they broke away, a few students clumping together to talk while others wandered over to the staircases to find their dorms.

Lily practically skipped over to him, smiling wide. “That was excellent! I think they respect us at least, but they all definitely loved you!” 

Remus smiled at her, leading them towards the fireplace where everyone was gathered. “Yeah, that wasn’t so bad. You’re definitely meant to be a leader, Lily.”

“Oh, you big sap!” Lily beamed at him, playfully hitting his shoulder as they walked side by side. Remus could feel both Sirius and James’s eyes boring into him but chose dutifully to ignore it. 

“Oh lord, is that Potter?” Lily asked, stopping abruptly and yanking Remus to a halt as well.

“Well, yes. But Mary and Marlene are there too, they could save you,” Remus said.

Lily glared, “or you could, ya know.”

“You know I can’t control him, Lils,” Remus sighed, still ignoring James and Sirius’s looks.

“I know, I know, I’m sorry. He’s much too pigheaded to listen to reason.”

“Lily, he is my friend, you know.”

“That doesn’t mean he’s not pigheaded.”

“Fair.” 

Lily laughed at that, playfully hitting Remus on the shoulder again. At this exchange James and Sirius both came bounding over with Peter trailing along behind them, looking rather confused. 

“Well hello again, Evans. That was quite a show in front of those first years, they really looked up to you, they did.” James beamed as he sauntered over to her.

Lily turned to glare at him, continuing to lightly rest her hand on Remus’s shoulder. Remus was a bit lost as to why she was doing this, getting slight PTSD like flashbacks to Dorcas and Mary doing the same thing earlier. “Leave me alone, Potter,” she said shortly.

“You’re far too beautiful to leave be, look at you, ever so radiant!” James exclaimed.

“Seriously, Potter, please just leave me alone.”

“What, I just came over here to talk to my good friend Remus!” James said, shooting a glare at Remus that he couldn’t even begin to decipher. James was acting even more peculiar than usual around Lily, seeming almost territorial. That was nothing compared to how Sirius was acting though, as the boy was leveling Lily with a silent glare, one he usually only reserved for Snape. 

“Then why haven’t you said a word to him?” Lily seethed, her hand twitching towards her wand. Remus watched the movement wearily, knowing it would likely be up to him to diffuse to tense air around the group.

“James, why don’t we go talk upstairs?” Remus asked tentatively.

James replied by shooting him a glare that quickly morphed into a bitter smile. “Of course, Rem. Nice to see you, Lily love. Have a good night.”

Lily just rolled her eyes and gave Remus’s shoulder one last squeeze before she strode over to where Mary and Marlene were sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace. James was giving Remus a cold look, seemingly waiting for him to lead the way to the dorm. Remus walked to the staircase and up to their dormitory, listening to the boys quietly follow behind him.

As soon as they entered the dorm and clicked the door closed James rounded on Remus.

“Alright, what’s going on with you and Lily?” He accused, the finger he was pointing colliding with Remus’s chest as the boy refused to move.

“Absolutely nothing, we were just talking. About you, actually.” 

“Oh…” That caused James to deflate quickly. “What about me?”

“Well, she called you pigheaded.”

Sirius and Peter both burst out laughing behind James. 

“That could be romantic…” James mused, ignoring his friend's laughter. Remus joined in the laughter at that, watching as James wandered over to his bed, a thoughtful look on his face.

Remus was glad the tension had been broken, though he still refused to look too much at Sirius. The boy’s earlier behavior was still throwing him off and he wasn’t sure he could deal with it at the moment if he was still acting that way. Remus was far too tired for much else.

He wandered over to his trunk, unpacking it leisurely while Peter told James and Sirius about his summer in France. He sorted through his belongings, stopping after he found what he’d been looking for. Seizing the box of cigarettes, he strode over to one of the windows and popped it open. He could still hear the other boys talking behind him so he figured it was safe to light one off. He pulled his Zippo from his pocket and lit one before bringing it to his mouth and taking a long drag, breathing in as deep as he could. He stared into the night, watching the stars twinkle lightly in the distance. After a beat he took another long drag, savoring the feeling of calm the cigarette was giving him. 

After another beat, Remus realized the boys behind him had gone silent and turned slowly to see what had happened. All three were looking at him with different levels of surprise, Peter looking completely taken aback, James looking disapprovingly, and Sirius looking in a way that resembled awe. 

“Cigarettes, Moony? Really?” James asked, his voice resembling that of McGonagall. 

Remus sighed, stubbing the cigarette out on the bricks lining the window. “Yeah, I picked it up over the holiday.”

“Please don’t stop on our account!” Sirius bellowed, making his way towards Remus with that same odd look of awe on his face. “Can I try one, Rem? I’ve always wanted to.”

“ ‘Course,” Remus said, handing one to Sirius and lighting it for him after he held it out.

“Sirius Black!” James yelled, leaping up from his bed, “not you too!”

“C’mon James, you know I’ve always wanted to try one,” Sirius said, waving James off while he lifted the cigarette to his mouth. He pulled out a long drag, seeming to take it like a champ for a second before he promptly dissolved into a fit of coughs.

Peter snickered at him from his bed while James gave him a pointed look then clapped him on the back. “Yeah, that’s what cigs will get ya. Fucked up lungs.”

“R-right-” Sirius gasped, stepping out of James’s reach, “I’m fine, fine. Just surprised me a bit, is all.”

“Don’t worry, Sirius, I coughed far worse my first time,” Remus assured him, snagging the cigarette from his hand and taking a drag himself.

“Did you really?” Sirius asked, sounding hopeful.

“Well, no…”

“Bah!” Sirius muttered, seeming to try to ignore Peter’s abrupt laughter. 

“Oi! If you two are gonna be doing it, go to the window!” James told the two boys while plugging his nose dramatically and waving them away.

Remus and Sirius walked over to the window, snickering lightly at James’s theatrics. Sirius took the cigarette from Remus and took another drag, only coughing a bit that time. The two passed it back and forth in silence for a few minutes, listening to James and Peter getting settled into bed. After the dormitory had dissolved into silence, Sirius turned to him, looking uncharacteristically shy. 

“I missed you this summer, ya know,” Sirius said quietly.

Remus smiled softly at him, glad for the darkness obscuring their faces, “I missed you too.”

They fell back into a companionable silence, allowing the cigarette to dwindle down while they started into the night. Remus caught himself trying to make out Sirius’s face in the dark and wondered suddenly when the two of them had gotten so close. He’d always felt like the odd one out in the group, friends with all of them but not necessarily close with any of them. Now here he stood with Sirius Black, his actual close friend. Remus smiled softly to himself and stubbed out the cigarette. 

“Hey, Rem?” Sirius whispered, leaning slightly closer to Remus.

“Yes?” He whispered back, trying to ignore the way his heart had started racing when Sirius had shifted closer. 

“Thank you for writing me so much this summer. It-” he paused a moment, seeming to gather his thoughts, “It really meant a lot to me.” 

Remus stared at the dark figure of Sirius, feeling his face heat up at the weight of Sirius’s words. The boy was not one to let others know anything about his feelings, especially anything somewhat meaningful. Remus quickly found himself starting to panic, unsure as to how to handle any kind of emotional conversation at the moment. 

“Anything for you, Siri.” Remus found himself replying. He quickly turned away, shoving his hands into his pockets to try to settle himself down. “Goodnight,” he said softly. He could hear Sirius behind him shifting around, likely to head to his own bed. Remus strode quickly over to his, plucking a book at random from his trunk and then drawing the curtains closed tightly. He said a quiet silencing charm before rolling over and staring at the top of his bed, willing his heart to slow down. For some reason Sirius always made him this way, flustered and out of control. He took a few breaths and listened to Sirius moving around across the room until his heartbeat had appropriately slowed down.

Sighing, Remus pulled out his book and cast a lumos, opening to the dog eared page and settling himself in for another likely sleepless night. 

Remus had been reading for a while, he wasn’t sure how long, when he heard shuffling around the room and saw a light go on from behind his curtains. A moment later he heard James whispering quietly, his voice still managing to carry across the room. 

“How was summer really, Sirius?” Remus heard.

A beat later he heard Sirius letting out a quiet sigh before he whispered back, “really not good. At all.”

“What happened?” 

“Walburga, she was determined to get me to behave like a “perfect pureblood heir” all summer. Mostly drills and such, this fork here, that fork there, and oh “mudbloods are beneath us” that kinda thing. I went along with it for the most part, but then she had lunch with my cousin…”

“Shit…” James whispered. Remus felt a pool of dread gathering in his stomach as he waited for Sirius to continue. 

“She told her all about who I hang around with at school. That did not go over well. She… Well, it got kinda physical. She’s small but she knows a good hex or two. It was bad, but nothing I couldn't handle. It’s just… Regulus. She started lashing out at him too because he kept telling her to stop going after me. I just had to sit there while she… It was just awful. I need to get out but I don’t want to leave him too.”

It was quiet for a moment while James processed this. Remus himself felt sick to his stomach, reeling from the confession. He and Sirius had written back and forth all summer about their home lives but Sirius hadn’t said anything about that. Nothing as bad as actual physical abuse. Emotional, sure, he talked about that a bit. But this was new to Remus.

“You’re staying with us this summer.”

“What?”

“Yeah. Mum and dad won’t mind. You have no say in this, you’re coming with. You can’t let her hurt you anymore, Sirius. And Regulus can come too if he wants. I have a feeling he won’t, though.”

“James, I appreciate that but I can’t just run away and leave him there with her!”

“You can if you have to. Regulus can take care of himself and Walburga doesn’t usually lash out at him, does she?”

“Well, yes…”

“See, he’ll be okay if need be. You’ve gotta take care of yourself, Siri.”

It fell silent after that as the two boys seemed to leave each other to their thoughts. Remus was barely managing to keep himself from running over and throwing his arms around Sirius in an attempt to shield him from the rest of the world. If he’d had any idea how bad it actually was at the Black household he would have gone to rescue him in an instant. Remus was once again grateful that he hadn’t chickened out of writing Sirius this summer.

After a minute or so the silence was interrupted once again with a whisper from James. “Do you want to talk about your little crush?” He asked.

It was deathly silent for a moment until Sirius’s frantic whisper came ringing through the night, “no, what are you even talking about? What crush?”

“So you don’t want to talk about it then.”

“No, because there’s nothing to talk about! There’s no crush!”

“Right…”

“Seriously, James, no crush. At all.”

“Alright, I’m agreeing with you.”

“No really James, I don’t have a crush!”

“Well do you wanna talk about it or not cause you’re kinda giving me mixed signals here!”

The boys collapsed into a huff of silence while Remus’s mind was whirling through every possible girl they could be talking about. For some reason he felt irrationally angry at the thought of Sirius having a somewhat serious crush on some bird already. They’d barely even been back for a few hours yet he was already smitten.

“Alright, if I were to hypothetically have this aforementioned crush, what would you say I should do about it?” Sirius whispered, breaking the silence.

“Tell them, obviously.”

“Oh Merlin…” Sirius muttered quietly, and Remus couldn’t help but agree. James was not someone who gave the best advice on how to deal with a crush, Lily Evans being the prime example of this. 

“You know I can’t just tell them, James.”

“I mean, you could. You never know unless you try.”

“And if they say no? Just continue to harass them like you and Evans?”

“What!” James scoffed, “that’s completely different!”

“Sure it is.”

“Just tell them, you git!” James bit out, his voice raising slightly.

“Shut it, you oaf! Peter sleeps like the dead but Moony doesn’t!”

“Right, yes…” James replied sheepishly, his voice once again at a whisper, “I still think you should tell him.”

Remus' heart skipped a beat and he promptly lost the thread of conversation as he focused on the last word James had said. Him. He’d heard a “him”, he swore he heard a “him”. But they were whispering… And it was Sirius they were talking about! Yes, he’d definitely said “them.” Not “him.” Remus had just misheard. 

When Remus tried to tune back into the boy's conversation he realized the room was silent once again. He listened for a moment, just in case they started talking again, but the room was soon filled with James’s quiet snores. Remus sighed to himself and dogeared his spot in his book before he collapsed down in bed. He muttered a quiet nox and forced himself to shut his eyes, willing his mind to settle down and let his exhausted body sleep. 

The night dragged on for Remus, the word “him” bumping around in his brain until he was sure he was losing his mind. He was certain he’d be able to get at least an hour or two of sleep when he was suddenly accosted by light, causing his eyes to snap open. Apparently, he had lied in bed the entire night thinking about Sirius, as the boy himself now stood before him with a bright smile on his face, fully dressed in his school robes. 

“Good morning, Moony! Up and at ‘em!” He called, winking at Remus and turning on his heel to likely head to breakfast.

Remus allowed himself a moment to wallow in self-pity before he began to ready himself for the day, aware that this was definitely going to be a long, long year.


	3. Severus and the Mysterious "Dark Lord"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very Severus-centric. If you're just here for Marauders content I suggest you skip, though the events in this chapter are important for the rest of the story. 
> 
> Again, I apologize for any spelling errors.

Severus Snape heard the sound of the dormitory door opening but tuned it out, much too enthralled in his copy of Moste Potente Potions. He was currently focused on the ingredients list of a rather outdated poison, one he hoped he could build upon in his freetime. The practice potions lab next to Slughorn’s classroom had become his second home, a place he could experiment unbothered by anyone except Lily. She was really the only other student who was interested enough in potions to work on any outside of class, which was just another reason Severus found himself enamoured by her. That and her unceasing kindness. Oh, and can’t forget about her willingness to hex James Potter, too, that one’s extremely important. As Severus found himself daydreaming about Lily sticking it to Potter, he heard someone clearing their throat.

Snapping out of his daze, he peered around his bed curtains to see Lucius Malfoy’s imposing form staring at him. The man had been out of Hogwarts for several years, only visiting once in a while whenever Slughorn managed to rope him in to talk to his little Slug Club, so Severus wasn’t all too surprised to see him in his dorm. The surprise was the look of intensity he was giving him. He was standing impeccably straight with his arms crossed, looking more and more impatient the longer it took Severus to snap out of his daydreaming daze and respond to him. Not wanting to anger one of his few Slytherin friends, he quickly composed himself. He managed to shoot him a smile before greeting him, “Lucius, what can I do for you?”

Lucius’ composure remained ridged, but he relaxed a fraction at finally being noticed. Severus got the feeling that the man was in a hurry to be out of the dorm. “Severus, it’s nice to see you again. How are classes treating you?”

“Quite fine so far, considering it’s only the first week. What brings you to Hogwarts so soon my old friend?” 

“Always one to get right to the point, weren’t you Severus? I’m really just here to visit,” Lucius said, still standing rather threateningly over Severus, who was not even the slightest convinced his friend was just at Hogwarts to catch up.

Deciding to play along with his act anyways, Severus said, “I hear congratulations are in order. You finally proposed to Narcissa, I’m so happy for you two.”

Lucius’s composure slipped slightly as a genuine smile grazed his cold face, “thank you very much, I’m most excited to finally be married to her. She’s certainly my better half.”

“Yes, from what I remember she’s quite a woman, you’re a lucky man. Have you two made much progress on the wedding plans yet?” Severus really couldn’t help but agree that Narcissa was the better of the two. While Lucius had only been nice to him out of house obligation, Narcissa had been genuine in her attempts to befriend him and keep him out of harm's way. She could certainly be just as cold and threatening as Lucius, but she was also much quicker to build genuine friendships. 

“We’re thinking next winter. She’s leaning towards a snowy theme, fur coats and the like. I’ll make sure you get an invitation when we send them out. I can’t imagine our big day without one of our oldest friends.”

“I would be honored to attend, thank you. How is dear Narcissa?”

“In excellent health. She’ll be happy to hear you asked after her, she inquires about you quite often,” Lucius said, his voice edging to a more threatening tone the more he spoke. Severus had a feeling the man didn’t altogether approve of him having a separate friendship with his soon-to-be wife and figured he should quickly diffuse that. It would do him no good to lose the friendship of the Malfoy heir.

“Ah, I’m happy to hear that. One would hope their friend’s fiance would remain in good health. Can’t miss the wedding of a century, you know.”

That brought a small smile to Lucius’s face, “one certainly cannot. It will be a spectacle, that’s for sure,” he paused slightly, his voice dropping down an octave as he said, “have the blood traitors left you alone this year?”

Severus froze a bit at that, not sure why Lucius would inquire about his school bullies. It’s true the man had saved him from them quite a few times, but he’d also been out of school for years and hadn’t asked him that question before. Alarm bells were starting to go off in his head and he figured this was Lucius’s way of turning the conversation towards the real reason he was at Hogwarts. 

“So far, yes. I’m sure they’ll grow bored and find a way to annoy me soon, though.” 

Lucius nodded, “I see. They never do tire of making fools of themselves, do they?”

“I suppose not.”

“They’re likely doing this while they can since they know they’ll be nothing once they leave here.”

“I suppose so, Lucius.”

“Unlike you, who will be able to do whatever you please once you leave.”

Severus was thrown by that. Lucius had always been supportive and impressed at his academic prowess, but it seemed the man was leading somewhere else with this. Likely, towards a job offer. Severus was unsure what to do if the man did offer him a job, connections he would be ecstatic to accept, but a position straight away gave him pause. He was a Slytherin through and through, ambitious to the max, but the thought of just being offered a position through his shoddy school friendship with the Malfoy heir gave his ego a bit of a hit. He’d much rather prove his worth and be able to say he got his successes on his own. 

“I’m not quite sure what you mean, Lucius,” he asked hesitantly. 

“I’m merely saying that you’re the most intelligent wizard of your age, anyone can see that. In fact, certain people have seen that and are interested in finding a place for your talents.”

Severus found himself faltering a bit, unsure how to respond. “Certain people?” He inquired, raising his eyebrow at Lucius as he finally tucked his book aside. This conversation was finally seeming to get somewhere.

“Yes. I’m sure you’ve been hearing about a new powerful wizard rising to power,” Lucius said, looking at him expectantly. Severus had indeed heard about this new dark wizard, mostly from the Daily Prophet’s reports of muggle deaths. It seemed this new “powerful” wizard was behind that. Many of his housemates praised this mysterious man, happy that their anti-muggle sentiments were shared by someone willing to bring about change. 

Severus, however, did not exactly agree with his housemates. His friendship with Lily and his closeness with her parents had given him a new perspective on the muggle vs. wizard conflict. He wasn’t sold on this whole “eradication of muggleborns and ruling over muggles” sentiment. Try telling Lily Evans she’s less than a pureblood, see how well that goes over for you. Yes, Severus certainly knew better than to buy into his housemates' prejudice. Though, he didn’t outright disagree with them. That would be suicide for a Slytherin. 

“I have heard a bit,” he admitted, watching Lucius carefully. He knew the man was pureblood and severely anti-muggle, but he hadn’t thought he was to the point of joining a radical. It just seemed like such a bold move for such an established family. Although, he could admit that he wasn’t raised in that environment so what did he know about the goings-on of purebloods? He was a Prince, but he hadn’t been raised as one. His mother had sure tried her best, but his father had managed to strong-arm her into giving up her roots. Severus had nearly been raised as a muggle. 

That thought haunted him a bit and he found himself having to focus on Lucius’s response, “Severus, I find I have quite a proposition for you. You see, I’ve become quite close with this man. I spoke with him about you and your potions aptitude, and he was quite impressed. If you so wish, you would be guaranteed a position within his inner circle when you are to come of age.”

“That’s certainly new, Lucius. What kind of position is he offering?”

“Potions master. You would be his lead man in that subject. It would be quite a jump for a new Hogwarts graduate.”

Severus couldn’t help but agree, but still found himself blanching at that. “He must be quite accomplished to offer a position like that. I’m merely a fifth year though, why would he wish for me to take such a position?”

Lucius smiled sickly sweet at that, “you see, he finds himself in need of only the best. He’s watched your education closely, Severus, and he has found that you are exactly what he needs.” He looked at him expectantly, but Severus found himself unable to respond. Someone actually wanted him? That thought was enough to take him out of the conversation completely. He was not someone people would choose. 

“I know you’re not used to your talent being recognized, but it finally has been. He’s willing to offer you that position as soon as you come of age, if you’re interested.”

That hauled Severus out of his thoughts, “Well I'm more than interested. I would be honored to meet this man,” he found himself saying. He wasn’t completely sure if he wanted to meet this muggle killer, but if he had watched him and appreciated his talents, Severus found that he was willing to hear the man out. Anything to get away from Tobias, his father. 

Lucius’s threatening facade finally dropped and he smiled genuinely. “He will be more than happy to hear that you are so receptive. I shall arrange for a meeting for the two of you, likely at a gathering at the manor. Let me know when your next Hogsmeade weekend is and I will make the arrangements.”

“That sounds perfect, Lucius. I will let you know.”

“I’ll be awaiting your owl. Please do tell Regulus I said hello, I’ve been unable to find him today. I must be going, though. Narcissa is expecting me home soon. It’s been so nice to catch up with you, Severus,” Lucius said, reaching to shake his hand.

Severus shook his hand warmly, tucking his feet back under him on his bed. “It was nice to see you as well, Lucius. Tell Narcissa I said hello.”

Lucius nodded in response before turning and stalking out of the room as gracefully as possible. Severus found himself reeling from the conversation, still not entirely believing that someone had actually noticed his talents. It seemed much too good to be true.

The muggle killer had noticed, though. Not someone from the ministry, not a french potions master, not a mediwitch. The muggle killer. If he were to take him up, he might lose Lily. And would it even be worth it if Lily hated him? Severus found himself floundering a bit at the thought and was suddenly aware that he might have just immensely fucked up. One thing was for certain, though: he needed to speak with Lily.  
If anyone would know what to do, it would be his sweet Lily.

He threw himself off his bed, chucking his potions book onto the covers as he strode out of the room. He crossed the common room, not bothering to see who was there. It was midday, so it was unlikely that he was drawing too many eyes. Not many had a free period at this time. He made his way out of the dungeons and up to the main floors, unsure as to where he would even find Lily at this time. She had a free period as well, but it was entirely possible that she was just relaxing in the Gryffindor common room. Severus had a feeling she wasn’t though and steered himself towards the library on a whim. It was the best option he could think of.

Madam Pince shot him a stern look as he barrelled his way through the library, his eyes roaming the tables for that familiar head of deep red hair. A few rows back he found her, sitting with her back to him while she appeared to be reading half of the entire library. The stack of books on her table was enough to be concerning for so little into the semester, and Severus’s immediate thought was to ask her what the hell she thought she was doing. The two had an agreement, they kept each other from falling into crazy amounts of study hours and therefore were in charge of each other’s sanities. 

“Lily Evans, are you trying to break a record for most books on one desk?” He called, not able to help the easy smile that tugged his lips. It was near impossible to not smile around Lily.

She sat up with a jolt, peering around a stack of books with a guilty look on her face, “hullo, Sev. Just thought I’d pop in and have a quick read, ya know? Nothing too serious…”

“Oh, of course, nothing too serious. That’s why you’ve got the entire charms section with you. Makes perfect sense, it does.” He replied, rolling his eyes as he walked up to her. She still had the same sheepish expression on her face, acting as though she had been caught doing something terribly wrong.

“Just a bit of light reading, I assure you,” she said.

Severus drew a stack of books into his arms, “yes, that’s certainly light,” he said, then let the books drop, a loud thud echoing throughout the library.

“Oh hush, you drama queen! Pince is gonna be after us in a second if you don’t settle down!” She whispered furiously, looking around to see if the librarian was going to jump out of the shadows and scold them. Severus couldn’t help but laugh, long and low, as he dropped down into the seat next to her. Being with Lily was just too easy.

“I’d thought I’d find you here. Even though it is the first week of classes and no sane person would be caught studying so soon in the semester.”

Lily scoffed, her red hair falling from its place behind her ear and concealing part of her freckled face as she said, “yes of course, except I’m not sane, not since Potter’s been stalking me through the halls! This is the only place he won’t follow me to!”

Severus found himself bristling at the thought of Potter harassing Lily. The boy just didn’t know when to stop. He forced himself to smile though, not wanting her to know just how much that thought drove him crazy. “Potter would never be caught dead in a library, that’s for sure. Nice plan, Lils,” he said, forcing a slight laugh.

His efforts were worth it, as Lily beamed at him, laughing along too. “I know, I figured this was the safest bet. The books were meant to be a blockade in the odd case that he happens to glance in here. My best plan yet, right? God, I missed you, Sev. We’ve been back only a few days yet I haven’t seen you once!” She exclaimed, reaching and squeezing his shoulder.

“Well, you know how it is. Can’t be caught dead with the slimy lion,” he replied, smiling easily at her.

“Oh yes, gotta avoid the snakes like the plague, believe me I know. I have really missed you, though. Reckon we should meet up in the practice lab soon, if you’d be game.” 

Severus positively beamed at that, “I’d love to, Lils!”

She smiled back at him, though she tried to hide it a bit behind her long hair. But Severus noticed, along with a peculiar reddening that had graced her features. He was unsure as to why she’d be blushing, but found his own face heating up in return, much against his will. 

“I actually came here to talk to you about something,” he said quickly, snapping out of his slight daze. 

“Oh? What’s up?”

“I had a… well, rather odd conversation earlier,” he began, unsure of how to explain everything to her. The last thing he wanted was to drive her away, and Lucius was a topic that could easily do that. The best course was to tread lightly. “Do you think we could talk somewhere a bit more private?” He asked, deciding that avoiding a public place would be the best course for this conversation. The last thing he wanted was to say the wrong thing and have her blow up at him where everyone could see. 

“Sure, Sev. Is everything alright?” 

“Yeah, I’m fine, I promise. Just rather talk somewhere else, ya know?”

“Gotcha,” she said, gathering her parchment and quill and shoving them quickly into her bag. She gave one last nasty look at the pile of books, apparently deciding that none were needed to be checked out. Severus then stood, leading her out past Pince’s accusing glare and down the hall.

The two rounded the corner, ending up in a deserted part of the castle. The only thing down there were long deserted classrooms and tapestries that doubled as hidden snogging spots. Severus found himself blushing a bit at the thought, hoping no one would catch them here and accuse them of that yet also not entirely opposed to the thought. He wouldn’t be put out if people thought he was snogging Lily, that’s for sure. 

“So, what’s going on?” She asked after they came to a stop, both sliding down to sit with their backs against the wall.

“I think… I think I might have a chance to get away from Tobias, after Hogwarts,” he started, feeling his heart rate increase as he spoke. Just the thought of never having to see his father again was enough to make him want to break out in a rather undignified dance. 

“Really? That’s incredible!” She beamed, throwing her arms tightly around his neck and drawing him into a quick sideways hug. 

“There’s more, though…” he managed, his voice squeaking a bit against his will. Lily hugged him plenty, always being rather handsy, but her breasts had pressed rather firmly into him and he now found his blood flow leaving his brain and traveling quickly downwards.

“Oh. What else?” She asked, pulling away from him slowly, her hand still firmly on his shoulder. She was gazing up at him with such innocent eyes he began to second guess himself. Maybe, just maybe, he didn’t need to tell Lily the full story, he thought. Because then she’d let him go and her gaze would darken and he might lose her trust. He couldn’t do that. How could he ever live with himself if he did that?

He had to tell her though. Because if he didn’t, and she found out anyway, he’d lose her for sure. So Severus mustered up the largest amount of courage he could, thinking like a Gryffindor against his better judgment, and returned her gaze, “Lucius has found someone who is interested in my talents...It sounds like they’re willing to hire me after I graduate.”

Lily’s gaze did darken immediately at the mention of Lucius, though she didn’t release her hold on him. She blinked a moment, seeming to gather her thoughts. “Well, I guess that’s not so bad. Did he ask for anything in return though?” She asked.

“In a way,” he said, dropping his eyes from hers, shame flooding him suddenly. How could he even be considering working for a man that hated people like his best friend? He was about to drop it completely when he heard someone mutter something and suddenly realized his relatively bare arse was sitting against the cold stone floor.

Severus jumped up instantly, his face burning as he tried to cover himself the best he could. His pants were now gone, leaving him in nothing but his raggedy underwear. Lily jumped up instantly beside him, her wand drawn before she’d even straightened up.

“POTTER!” She screeched, striding down the hall more menacingly than Severus had ever seen. He followed her glare and saw none other than James Potter and Sirius Black standing down the hall from them, both collapsing onto each other as they laughed uncontrollably. “HOW DARE YOU!” She yelled, snapping the two out of their laughter. They bolted upright, their eyes popping open in surprise.

“Now, Lilypad, ‘tis but a bit of a laugh, you understand-” Sirius piped up timidly, looking rather terrified as Lily continued her advance.

“A LAUGH!” She practically roared, pointing her wand dead at his chest. 

Severus felt James’s eyes on him still, causing him to jump out of his mortified trance. He glared, red-faced, at the two boys, before sprinting out of the hall and down a staircase, aiming to get as close to the dungeons as he could. He had pants there. He could hear Lily yelling behind him as he hurried away. The girl was positively screaming herself hoarse at the two boys, which was enough to make Severus’s mortification die down a bit. At least Lily hadn’t thought it was funny. At least she stood up for him.

He rounded another corner, luckily still not running into a single soul. A bathroom lurked to the right and he threw the door open, instantly relaxing as it thudded shut behind him. He allowed himself a moment to breathe, feeling the embarrassment and anger threatening to burst from him the second he stilled. Nothing would make him happier than hexing Black and Potter into oblivion. He managed to calm himself a bit by thinking of all the different hexes he could use on them, whether legal or not. After a moment he managed to calm a bit. He drew his wand from where it had been shoved down his tube sock before leaning against the wall and pulling his shoe off. He grabbed his left sock off his foot, throwing it onto the tiled floor. After a quick breath he managed to transform it into makeshift pants, sighing in relief as he pulled them on. At least now he didn’t have to wander down to the dungeons with no pants. That was a surefire way to get his housemates to never ever leave him alone.

Severus allowed himself another moment to calm down, keeping himself focused on revenge. After he was sufficiently relaxed he made his way down to the common room. He muttered the password, “supremacy,” before he pushed the door open and found himself amongst an odd group of his housemates.

Mulciber and Avery were stretched across the nearest couch, both taking up the entire space. Barty Junior was seated in an armchair near them, his legs crossed and his eyes wild as he muttered something to the little group around him. Seated on the chair across from Barty was Regulus Black, who was starting carefully blankly back at Barty while he spoke. The boys all promptly grew quiet when Severus entered, eyeing him curiously. Severus quickly realized he’d rather not have all of their attention on him any more than he had to, and began quickly striding towards the fifth year boys dormitory door.

“Severus! Just the man we were looking for!” Barty drawled, his eyes flashing with something that made Severus’s stomach turn. “Come, sit!”

He sighed lightly, walking over to the group. “What’s up, Barty?” He asked, keeping his voice carefully controlled.

“We heard Lucius spoke to you, finally!” 

“Indeed, he did. I take it he talked to you all about something similar.”

“Oh, but of course! We’ve all decided to join him! Surely you have as well. Only an idiot would oppose him. The strongest dark wizard of our time wants us, can you believe it!” 

Severus froze completely at this. He knew, of course, that the dark wizard was recruiting people to join him, he just hadn’t known that so many of his young housemates had joined already.

“We can’t join until we are of age, though, correct?” He asked, sitting carefully on the edge of the couch where Avery and Mulciber had made room for him. 

“Bah, that’s but a technicality,” Avery said, waving his hand absently. 

“We’re as good as joined,” Mulciber added, crossing his arms as he leaned back into the couch. He gave Severus a hard look, seemingly unconvinced that the boy was good enough to be hearing all of this.

“I see,” Severus said, looking curiously at Regulus. The younger Black was always a quiet one, but now he seemed to be drawn entirely into himself. It looked like the boy was only there out of something like obligation, which intrigued Severus. He had pinned the boy as a fanatic blood purist, like most of the sacred twenty-eight. It seemed he might have been off. 

“Lucius allowed me some time to think it over. He said he’d introduce me to the man.” Severus said, snapping his gaze away from Regulus.

“What!” Barty barked, leaning forward in his chair, “he’s going to introduce you to him? In person?”

“Of course. I was under the impression that was how this was done,” he said, eyeing Barty curiously. Apparently, Severus was a special recruitment case. He was unsure as to how he felt about that. 

“No, not usually. Maybe it’s new…” Barty said, his voice ending in a whisper as he quickly drifted off in his own thoughts,

Avery sighed, rolling his eyes at Barty before turning back to Severus, “well, if you do join, find us. We’re working on helping the Dark Lord from the inside of Hogwarts.”

“Dark Lord?” 

“Yes, it is his most noble title. The best to bestow upon our savior,” Mulciber drawled, not looking up from where he had just started polishing his wand. 

“I see,” Severus said, turning to look back at Regulus, “and you’ve joined too, Black?”

The boy bolted to attention instantly, looking back at Severus coldly. “I am but a servant to his great cause,” he replied simply. After he finished he glared deeply then drew himself up from his chair, walking over to Barty and smacking him gently on the head. Barty jumped, pulled out of whatever he had been thinking, “Barty, we have Charms soon.” 

“Right, right. I’m coming…” the boy trailed off again, falling back into his own thoughts. Regulus appeared used to this, as he just rolled his eyes before strolling out of the common room, seeming to head off to Charms. 

Severus watched him go curiously, unsure of how to feel about the younger Black. He and his older brother were like day and night, while one was obnoxious and loud as can be, the other was just as quiet and put together. It was hard for him to even comprehend that the two were related. The only way one could tell was their matching blue-grey eyes and sturdy jaws. 

“I will let you know when I come to a final decision,” Severus finally said, his gaze still on where Regulus had been. 

Mulciber and Avery both nodded, the closest clapping him lightly on the shoulder. Barty was still daydreaming. Severus drew himself up from the couch, bidding goodbye to his housemates. He walked quickly over to his dorm, throwing himself onto his bed and drawing the curtains. His potions book was still sitting atop his covers, seeming to taunt him. How was he supposed to tell Lily what his new opportunity truly entailed? Especially when he wasn’t even completely sure himself. All he knew for sure is that he could not lose her, no matter what. Even if it meant being stuck with Tobias a bit after he graduated. At least Lily would be down the street, he could do it if she was nearby. He could do it for her, he assured himself. 

Still, he had to tell her. And when he did, there was no way to tell how she would react. She was usually so understanding, but this new mysterious “Dark Lord” was a muggle killer and her entire family were muggles. There’s no way she could be too understanding about this. Severus threw his book onto his nightstand and buried himself in his blankets, determined to just sleep this day off like it was a bad nightmare. If he happened to dream about snogging Lily, well, he wouldn’t be opposed to that.


	4. The First Party of the Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beware, this chapter is dialogue-heavy. James is a chatty one.  
> Also, James being the mom friend is a headcanon I fully stand by.

That had not been James’s finest moment. To be fair, he hadn’t even been the one to hex Snape. Sirius had been the mastermind behind this current prank, though he had gotten the least amount of scolding for it. Lily had all but flayed James, not even muttering a single curse but still managing to make him fear completely for his young life. The girl just had that way about her, which was both extremely attractive and extremely terrifying. Sirius was still a bit shaken up, looking around the halls with wild eyes as they made their way to the courtyard. While James found Lily’s threats endearing, Sirius found them 100% horrifying. 

“It’s alright, mate, she’s gone after Snivellus, I'm sure,” he assured his friend, patting him gently on the shoulder. Sirius just jumped, not relaxing a bit.

“You don’t know that. She could be anywhere!” He hissed, hunching in on himself. James just sighed, starting to feel a little fed up with Sirius’s dramatics. Lily was scary, but she wasn’t THAT bad. Nothing like getting cornered alone by Snape after a particularly exciting prank.

“She’s gone, I assure you. C’mon, we gotta find that Ravenclaw, remember?”

“Right, right. We gotta get the firewhisky. Focus on the firewhisky, Sirius, not the scary redhead,” Sirius muttered to himself, falling a step behind James. 

James sighed again, leading Sirius as they rounded the corner and walked out into the courtyard. They were supposedly meeting this shifty Ravenclaw not too far from here, down the East hallway or something like that. James honestly couldn’t remember too well, still dwelling on being chewed out by his longtime crush. All he had seen was Lily saddled up next to the greasy git, her pretty little hands all over him, and he’d about lost it. He was honestly lucky Sirius had beaten him to cursing Snape, or else he likely would have gotten more than just yelled at by Lily. 

“You don’t reckon they’re together, do you?” He found himself asking suddenly, the thought instantly horrifying him. 

Sirius, though, had promptly tuned him out and was gazing dreamily at a bench across from them where Remus was sitting, his nose in a book. 

“Oh Merlin, Sirius, leave the poor boy alone,” James sighed, rubbing his temple. He watched helplessly as his friend refused to take his eyes off of Remus, only waving his hand vaguely in response before skipping off towards the boy,

“Moooony!” He heard Sirius call, drawing nearer to the boy in question. 

Remus, to his own credit, didn’t even blink as Sirius threw himself on the bench next to him, tossing his arm across the back of the bench and stretching it behind Remus. 

James followed after Sirius, approaching the two boys rather cautiously. Sirius had been acting more and more erratic around Remus due to his sudden crush on him. He envied how Remus had been handling it all so far, not even acting the least bit surprised at the new increase in flirting. James actually couldn’t quite wrap his head around how the boy was doing it so well. He either didn’t even know Sirius was flirting or he did know and was determined to not acknowledge it at all and let it just fade away. It was hard to tell which, for Remus was the more perceptive one of the bunch. Well, except when it came to romance, which could mean he really just didn’t think Sirius was being serious. Again, it was really hard to tell.

Sirius, on the other hand, was not so hard to read. 

“I’ve missed you today, Moons! Where’ve you been?” 

Remus turned a page gently, still not looking up. “Here and there. Trying to get some peace and quiet.”

“Oh I love peace and quiet! I love it even more with youuuu,” Sirius drawled, pushing himself closer into the other boy’s side.

Remus still didn’t acknowledge him, his only tell that he was paying attention being that his eyes weren’t moving from their spot on the page. 

Sirius drew even closer to the boy, batting his eyelashes at him as obnoxiously as possible. Well, at least James thought he looked rather obnoxious. To be fair, this was just Sirius’s normal way of flirting and it usually did work. On girls, though. Remus was the first bloke to be subjected to Sirius’s odd way of flirting and thus far it seemed that a change of technique might be needed. When Sirius had gotten to the point where he was essentially sitting on the other boy’s lap Remus finally let out a long-suffering sigh and set his book aside. He turned slightly to look at him, definitely trying to seem as annoyed as possible. His eyes betrayed his true feelings though, as they were twinkling when they gazed at the other boy.

“I was trying to read, you know,” Remus said finally, huffing rather dramatically.

“Read me instead,” Sirius replied, winking at the other boy.

James groaned loudly at that, hoping desperately that he himself wasn’t this terrible at flirting with Lily. Remus just sighed in response, pinching the bridge of his nose and acting as though speaking with Sirius was a terrible punishment. James couldn’t help but notice that his cheeks had turned red, though, and started to wonder what that was all about.

“Did you need something, Sirius?” He asked.

“Just a bit of your attention, moonbeam.”

“Moonbeam? Really?”

“Yes, I’m in the process of workshopping pet names for you, dear. Is moonbeam a no-go?”

“Please never utter that to me again, I’m absolutely begging you.”

“Right, got it, my moonshine.”

Remus groaned and smacked himself in the face with his book. Sirius just beamed at him, his arm still curled behind Remus’s back on the back of the bench. James watched the two wearily, hoping Sirius would wrap it up before he said something too embarrassing.

“Don’t you two have “important business” to take care of?” Remus said pointedly, finally turning to acknowledge James.

“Right, yes. We’re throwing a rager tonight, Rem, be prepared! We’re gonna need your legendary tolerance to win as many drinking games as possible.” James said, stepping over to Sirius and hauling him up off the bench.

Remus watched them both with a raised eyebrow. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“That’s the spirit, moonpie! I’ll see you tonight!” Sirius called, winking at the boy as James hauled him out of the courtyard and in the general direction where he hoped the Ravenclaw boy was waiting.

After they were out of sight and, hopefully, earshot of Remus, James let go of Sirius and whirled to a stop, putting his hand on his hip in as close to an imitation of Lily as he could get. “You really couldn’t be more subtle, could you mate?”

“Hey, you’re the one who wanted me to tell him how I feel!” Sirius spluttered indignantly.

“Yes, in PRIVATE you thick git!” James said as he thumped Sirius on the forehead, “You really think Remus of all people would take well to your obnoxious brand of flirting?” 

Sirius paused a moment, looking a bit taken aback. “I mean…”

“ “You’re right James, sorry I never listen to you, James” you mean!” James said.

Sirius said nothing to that, just bowing his head a bit and motioning for James to continue on. James just sighed at him, wondering how he was ever going to get through the year if he had to deal with this the whole time on top of Lily absolutely despising him. 

It was only just getting close to curfew but the party was in full storm. After tracking down the mysterious Ravenclaw firewhisky dealer, James and Sirius had hastily set up the bottles around the common room and gathered as many students as they could to start off the night. Without Remus, they’d lost the first drinking game, causing Sirius to pout in the corner with a bottle of firewhisky to comfort him while he waited for the boy to show. Sirius was still pouting, though he was now properly drunk enough that he had relocated himself to the center of the common room and was making quite a spectacle. 

“Somebody find me my Remus!” He called loudly, throwing his arm around Frank Longbottom. Frank, always a good sport, just patted the shorter boy’s head gently before guiding him to a couch. 

“I think you need some water, mate,” Frank said, procuring a glass.

James, who had spent the better part of the evening chasing after Peter while keeping an eye on Sirius, was now grateful that Frank had stepped in. The head boy had a calming effect on everyone he spoke with and Sirius was no exception. 

“Thank you, Longbottom! You truly are a saint!” Sirius cried as he collapsed across the length of the couch, his head dropping into the unsuspecting lap of Marlene Mckinnon. Marlene let out a squeak and shoved at him while Frank quickly grabbed Sirius and hauled him off the girl. He then shoved a glass of water into his hand and turned to likely apologize to Marlene. She did look a bit furious.

“I need to finish my Potions essay, professor! Oh fuck, Merlin, my arse!” Peter exclaimed, forcing James to focus his attention back on him.

“Peter why did you sit there, it’s not even a chair,” James muttered, hauling Peter up off a stack of rather nasty looking Care of Magical Creatures books that another student had been using to study before the party had started. 

“I sit where I sit, and I...” Peter mumbled, trailing off as he slurred his words. 

James just guided the boy around the pile of books and pushed him gently into the chair of the desk beside it. He knew better than to expect the boy to remain there but he hoped he’d at least get five seconds of reprieve to see if Lily had shown up yet.

“Jamie, I can’t find Remie!” Sirius slurred, suddenly appearing behind him. 

“Black, dear Merlin-” Frank said, chasing after the boy, “I turned away for a minute!”

James grabbed a hold of Sirius and pulled him firmly under his left arm, essentially trapping him. “Thanks Frank, I can keep an eye on him,” he said, giving the boy a brief smile as he used his right hand to hold Peter in place.

“You sure, James? You seem a bit stretched thin..” Frank said, looking worriedly between Sirius struggling to break out of James’s hold, and Peter, struggling to crumple to the floor.

“I’m quite alright. If you see Remus, though, could you send him my way?”

“I’m here!” Remus called, stepping out of the portrait hole and bounding over to the four boys. “Hey Frank, how’s the night?” Remus said brightly as he neared them. Frank just looked at him curiously, watching as Remus pulled Sirius away from James and trapped him under his own arm.

“Well, uh, quite good, I suppose-” Frank said, his eyebrow raised. He was cut off though, as Sirius had now noticed that Remus had arrived and was now his current captor.

“Remus my love!” He beamed, turning to nuzzle his head into Remus’s side. “What took you so long? We lost to stupid Dirk Cresswell and his lot!”

Remus just smiled fondly at Sirius, walking the two of them away from the other three boys. James heard him say something that sounded like an apology before the two had disappeared to the other side of the common room, a crowd of rowdy Gryffindors now between them.

James looked back up at Frank, smiling sheepishly. “Sorry to cause such a fuss, Frank. I’ll get everyone to settle down before too late. You go enjoy yourself a bit, I’m sure NEWTS are already driving you spare.”

“You don’t even know the half of it…” Frank said with a dashing smile, “Let me know if you need help though, alright? I am head boy, after all.”

“Gotcha,” James replied, smiling at him and shooing him away with his free hand. 

James focused back onto Peter, who was not sliding to the floor as though he’d been hit with a jelly-legs jinx. “Merlin, Pete…” He muttered, grabbing the boy and forcing him back into the chair. 

“They’ve gone and taken my toes, they have,” Peter said, nodding his head as though he’d just said something of great importance.

James ignored him, now trying to decide if he should just put a sticking charm on his arse so he’d stay put. Peter continued to squirm, on a mission to make himself as much of a problem as possible. James had known this would happen, as it did every single time Peter had even a drop of firewhisky. The boy just could not hold his liquor one bit. While Remus could out drink just about anyone, Peter fell on the exact opposite side of this spectrum. Even though he knew what would happen, James still didn’t let it dissuade him from throwing a party. If babysitting Peter until he passes out is the only price for getting the rest of Gryffindor tower hopelessly wasted, then he could handle it. And handle it he did, the trick being that he has to keep Peter upright for the first part of the night, then eventually he’d tire himself out and request to be carried to the dorms. It was only a matter of time. James just hoped he’d get to that point before Lily showed up. He could hardly hit on her with Peter in this state. 

James kept his hand firmly planted on Peter’s shoulder, using his other one to throw back some firewhisky. He’d been so busy looking after both Peter and Sirius that he’d hardly had a chance to drink himself.

“Bed!” Peter barked suddenly, jerking himself up out of James' grasp and stumbling away.

“Thank Merlin…” James muttered, grabbing the boy around the waist and throwing him unceremoniously over his shoulder. 

“Puke!” 

“Nope, I’ll drop you if you even think about it, Peter,” James lightly. He heard Peter mumble something that resembled “fuck off” but ignored him. He instead focused on making his way through the common room without running into any of the people gathered around the center. 

Lucky for him, Alice Fortesque took note and yelled in a scarily booming voice for such a tiny person, “GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY, WE GOTTA SLEEPER!”

The crowd quickly dispelled, a few cheering at them as they went. James shot Alice a thankful grin as he bounded across the common room and up the stairs. He threw open the dorm room door and carried Peter over to his bed. Then, with the utmost gentleness, he laid Peter down across the covers, trying not to jostle him too much. 

“Sleep, Pete,” he whispered to the boy as he patted him fondly on the head. 

James then made his way back to the common room, interested to see how Remus and Sirius were holding up. A few cheered as he made his reappearance, and James couldn’t help himself, he bowed dramatically and waved like the muggle Queen. Through the loud chorus of voices he made out Sirius’s loud shriek and wandered in that direction. It took him a moment to make it through the crowd, but when he did, he found himself standing in front of an extremely pleased looking Sirius and a deeply embarrassed looking Remus. 

Remus was seated in a chair next to the fireplace, a deep crimson blush across his face. Sirius was draped across his lap, his legs thrown off the left arm of the chair while his back was leaned against Remus’s chest. Sirius looked as though his life’s dream was coming true.

James couldn’t help himself, he let out a loud laugh. Remus looked at him furiously and Sirius just looked confused, but he really couldn’t help himself. The two were much too much of a mess for him to be handling as sober as he is. 

“What’s so funny?” Sirius said, pouting.

“Don’t worry about it, Sirius. I need a drink.”

Remus held out a bottle to him and James took it gratefully, downing the remains in record time. Both boys were now looking at him with varying levels of concern which just made him want to drink more. He reached over to Sirius and grabbed his bottle from him, chugging it with great speed.

“Did Lily reject you again?” Remus asked, his eyebrows raised nearly to his hairline.

“No, I’m just preparing,” James replied. He then collapsed on the floor next to them, leaning himself against Remus’s legs. 

“You alright, mate?” Remus asked worriedly.

“Peachy. Peter just took it out of me,” James said, looking around the room for any sign of Lily. He felt Sirius patting him reassuringly on the head.

“Yeah, Pete’s a right mess when he drinks,” Sirius said.

Both James and Remus turned to glare at him. Sirius just smiled sweetly, looking back and forth at his friend’s glares. “What?” He said.

“You’re just as bad!” James exclaimed.

“What! No, I’m not!” 

“Sirius, you gave me a lap dance not even 5 minutes ago.” Remus pointed out.

James gasped out a laugh at that, knocking his head against Remus’s knee.

“I’d do that sober!” Sirius cried.

“OI!” Remus said, a loud smacking sound following his remark. James had to assume he’d just facepalmed.

“Well, I would-”

“Frank Longbottom had to force-feed you water and keep you from groping Marlene.” James interrupted.

“I would never grope Marlene-”

“I found you two snogging in a supply closet last year!” Said Remus loudly.

“Well, that was last year!”

“So, you’ve groped her before-”

“But I wouldn’t now!” Sirius cried, jumping off of Remus’s lap and collapsing on the floor next to James. “You two are out to get me. Two against one isn’t fair.”

James scoffed at that. “Ten minutes ago you and Peter were both trying to do me in!”

Sirius was not impressed. “Well, we weren’t working together on it.”

“Could have fooled me,” James muttered, scanning the room for Lily. 

“James,” Remus called suddenly, knocking into him with his knee. James jumped, turning to look up at the boy. “Lily just came in. She looks pissed though, I would drop it tonight.”

James had tuned him out though, his brain promptly jamming up as he turned to see Lily strolling through the common room. She looked rather furious, glaring at anyone who didn’t immediately jump out of her way. James hopped up, distantly hearing Remus say something that sounded like a warning, but he was far too focused on talking to Lily to pay any attention. 

“Evans!” He called as he ran after her, hoping to catch her before she made it to the stairs.

She seemed to have not heard him, continuing to barrel through the crowds.

“Evans! Wait!” He called again, nearing her and reaching to grab her wrist.

Lily whipped around, stopping sharply. She glared up at him, yanking her wrist from his grasp. “Potter, what could you possibly want from me?” She demanded.

James smiled brightly at her, hoping to diffuse the situation a bit. It definitely didn’t work, and even seemed to make it worse. She was now positively glowering at him, her obvious anger starting to draw the attention of the surrounding students.

“Was just hoping to speak to you a moment,” he said, still smiling.

“I’m not in the mood.”

James still refused to give up. He turned to the table beside him, grabbing a bottle of firewhisky and offering it to her before he said, “there’s a party going on, ya know. One to kick off the year.”

Lily didn’t even glance at the bottle, now crossing her arms firmly across her chest. The action drew James’s clouding attention, which did nothing to help the situation. 

“Are you fucking kidding me, Potter?” She barked, causing James to jump, quickly looking back at her face. “Do I really need to tell you that my eyes are up here?”

“No, quite sorry, Lily, I think I had a bit too much to drink,” he said sheepishly.

“No surprise there.”

“Yes, sorry again. You want to join a game with me and Remus?” He asked her, smiling again.

Lily laughed loudly at that, turning from him and starting to walk away.

“Lily, wait!”

She spun around again, somehow even more furious than before. “I’m absolutely not playing a drinking game with you. I’d rather not even be talking to you right now. You hexed my best friend literally a few hours ago! So please, ever so kindly, fuck off!”

“Lily-” James tried again, but it was too late. The girl was now bounding up the stairs, flipping him two fingers behind her back. James sighed, feeling as though he’d just lost the Quidditch cup. A few people around him who’d witnessed the spectacle gave him small words of encouragement, patting him on the back as he slumped off towards Remus and Sirius.

Both boys were giving him sympathetic looks as he neared and Sirius patted the floor next to him for James to sit. James collapsed, letting out a long drawn-out sigh. 

“Sorry, mate,” Sirius said quietly, patting him gently on the shoulder.

“Sounded rough,” Remus said.

“She’s still pissed about Snape,” James told them as he opened the bottle of firewhisky he had tried to give to Lily.

“You didn’t even hex him!” Sirius said, offended on James’s behalf.

“Doesn’t matter to her.”

“Well, she’s a right piece of work, that one. You’re a catch!” Sirius said, jumping rather unsteadily to his feet. “Let’s go have a rematch with Cresswell, with Remus we’ll definitely win!”

James smiled up at Sirius, letting him pull him to his feet. “Thanks, mate,” he said, passing off the bottle to Sirius, “but I think I’m gonna go for a walk.”

“It’s past curfew.” Remus pointed out.

James was already walking away, waving the two off, “I’ll just take the cloak. I’ll be fine. Get the door for me, will you? I’ll be down in a few.”

“Sure, mate,” he heard Sirius call after him. 

James made his way to the dorm, opening the door to hear Peter snoring loudly. He walked to his trunk, sifting through it until he found his invisibility cloak. After he pulled it out he went to check on Peter. He pulled his blankets out from under him and tucked him in, smiling gently at the boy. He then walked out of the room and back into the common room where his muddled brain struggled to focus on not getting bumped into by unsuspecting party-goers. He somehow made his way to the portrait hole without issue, walking up to Sirius who was standing near it, sipping firewhisky quietly. Remus was still on the same chair and his eyes were glued to Sirius. 

“Here,” James whispered to Sirius.

“Careful, mate,” Sirius whispered back as he approached the door, leaning halfway out as if looking for someone. 

“It’s past curfew, Black, get your arse in here!” Came Frank’s voice from behind him. James made his way out of the common room, hearing Sirius yell something back to Frank but it was quickly cut off as the portrait swung shut. 

The sudden silence was welcoming. James found himself relaxing a bit, feeling the alcohol work its way through his system. He always felt restless when drunk and tonight was no different. He walked down the hall, not setting his sights on any specific location. He just wanted to walk until he no longer felt the weight of Lily’s glares on his shoulders. 

Or was he perhaps worked up with guilt? 

No, not possible. He had nothing to feel guilty for. He hadn’t hexed Snape, he hadn’t even asked Sirius to do it. But why did he feel a bit guilty? Surely not because he felt bad for Snape, he knew for a fact it couldn’t be that. So why did he feel so odd about the whole thing?

James couldn’t quite wrap his mind around it, that Lily would care so much about that greasy little git. He was downright evil, hexing James and his friends often without even being provoked. Along with that, he followed around Malfoy’s old gang of blood purists like they were his heroes. All of it just left a bad feeling in James’s stomach. He worried for Lily, being a muggleborn and so close to someone who’s own friends thought she was worthless. 

He couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t rather spend time with him and his friends, especially when she was apparently already close with Remus. They at least didn’t associate with anyone who thought she was garbage. So what did she see in Snape?

James had no clue, especially after seeing her cuddled up next to him earlier. The growing worry that there might be more than just friendship going on between them was starting to take root in his drunk brain, growing stronger and stronger the deeper he went into the castle. Surely Lily couldn’t be attracted to him? He was as skinny as a string bean, lanky and rather sickly looking. His hair was long, unruly, and utterly greasy. He just wasn’t pleasing to the eye, in James’s rather biased opinion. It was hard to understand how she could be attracted to that git and not himself, who was well built, tanned, and “charmingly roguish” according to Dorcas Meadowes. 

Somehow, he didn’t seem to be her type. 

James found himself wallowing a bit at that, images of Lily snogging Snape in a broom closet forcing their way to the forefront of his thoughts. He was still utterly tortured by them, not paying any attention to his surroundings when he heard what sounded like a wet spitting sound. 

He froze in place, straining to hear more. It couldn’t possibly be Filch, the man hardly ever made any sounds that weren’t loud angry grunts. Mrs. Norris was always silent, so it couldn’t be her either. Peeves perhaps? James was still unsure and was starting to think he’d just been hearing things when the sound came again, except slightly more muffled. 

He realized belatedly that he was in the dungeons, somewhere within it he wasn’t sure he’d even been before. The hall looked unfamiliar but distinctly resembled the area around Slughorn’s classroom. James walked further down the hall, stopping just as he reached a bend. The sound came again, around the corner. 

He braced himself, wondering if he should be concerned. His drunk brain was resolute that nothing should possibly scare him right now, so he just went with that and leaned to peer around the corner. 

Sitting with his back pressed against the wall, knees drawn to his chest, and cloak pulled tightly around him, was the unmistakable form of Sirius’s younger brother, Regulus. The boy was sobbing quietly into his arms, not seeming worried about being caught. 

The sight shocked James’ drunk brain to life, sobering him rather quickly. He was unsure what to do, but the sane part of his brain was telling him to turn and leave before the other boy noticed. James was unswayed by that though, his curiosity overpowering him. Why the hell was Regulus, always so stoney and posh, sobbing past curfew in some abandoned part of the dungeons?

James acted before he could talk himself out of it, pulling his cloak off and stuffing it as far into his pocket as he could. He rounded the corner quickly, stopping when Regulus snapped upright, looking positively terrified.

“P-Potter? What the hell?” Regulus said, his voice cracking.

James had no idea what to do, suddenly realizing he had probably just fucked up majorly.

“Are you alright?” He asked, unsure what else to say.

Regulus stared incredulously at him, his hand hovering over his wand. “Do I look alright?” He said, sounding more confused than anything else.

“Well, no…” James trailed off, unsure what else to say. “It’s past curfew you know,” he added, mentally smacking himself for blurting that out.

Regulus looked at him like he was thick. A moment later he said, “No shit, Potter.”

Regulus was really giving him nothing and James had no idea where to go from here. He could just say goodnight and leave but leaving the obviously distressed younger brother of his friend didn’t sit well with him. Even if the boy in question was a blood purist who hung out with the same crowd as Snape.

James looked at Regulus, who was still staring at him as if he was the thickest person in the whole school. James was starting to agree with that assessment.“Do you mind if I sit?” He said.

“Why?” Regulus replied, utterly confused. His hand was still around his wand, ready to defend or attack at a moment's notice.

James shrugged, scuffing his shoe into the floor nervously. “Figured we could both use some company.”

Regulus said nothing at that, just stared at James curiously. After a long moment in which James contemplated just fleeing the scene in embarrassment, Regulus drew his hand away from his wand, motioning lazily to the floor beside him. “If you must,” he said quietly. 

James grinned a bit at that, plopping himself down not too far from Regulus. The two sat for a moment in silence, Regulus looking at his hands nervously and James studying Regulus from the corner of his eye while he pretended to stare at the opposite wall.

“How’d you even get here without getting caught?” Regulus said after a moment, still not looking at the other boy.

James smiled. “I’m lucky.”

Regulus looked at him then, raising his eyebrow in disbelief. James turned to meet his eyes, still smiling gently. The other boy looked even more confused as he took in James’s smile. 

When it was apparent Regulus wasn’t going to say anything, James cleared his throat and said, “you know, I don’t think we’ve talked one-on-one since your first year.”

Regulus nodded. “On the train,” he supplied.

“Yeah. It was when Sirius and Peter went to find Remus, right? He left you with me.” James let out a small laugh, remembering how small and scared the young boy had been, “I’ve never seen a pureblood first year so terrified in my entire life.”

The corner of Regulus’s mouth turned up, seemingly against his will, as the boy nodded, saying “Mum had just finished telling me not to speak with any of Sirius’s mates and then not even five minutes later I was stuck in a compartment with his very best mate.”

“So I was the reason you looked about ready to keel over from fear?”

“Well, part of it,” Regulus admitted.

James shook his head in disbelief, “I find it hard to believe I was that scary. I gave you a chocolate frog!”

“Like an old man luring a kid at a park.”

“Ouch! You offend me!” James exclaimed, dramatically clutching his chest in apparent hurt, hoping to get a laugh from it. He was rewarded with a small breathy one which immediately resulted in Regulus covering his mouth with his hand. James beamed at him, noticing how a touch of red had appeared on the boy's pale face. “Respect your elders, young man!” He barked, lightly poking Regulus in the shoulder.

“You’re barely older than me,” Regulus pointed out after he’d uncovered his mouth.

“Bah, details, details-” James said, waving unconcernedly at the other boy.

Regulus smiled again, turning from James to try to hide it. They both sat in silence again and James was unsure how to break it this time. It felt oddly easy to talk to Regulus when the boy actually spoke back, but sitting in silence next to him was making him feel uncharacteristically nervous. He wanted to get the boy to laugh again, he realized with a jolt. But not the breathy thing he’d just done, an actual real laugh. James was unsure what to do with this new information and decided to ignore it for now. He remained quiet, not wanting to be the first to break the silence.

It took a few minutes before Regulus spoke, his voice cracking a bit as he said, “what’re you doing, Potter?” 

James looked over at him, unsure where he was going with this. “What do you mean?” He asked.

Regulus was staring determinedly at his drawn-up knees, his brows furrowed. “I mean why are you sitting here pretending to be nice?”

“What? Pretending?” James said, thoroughly thrown.

Regulus groaned a bit, sitting up straighter and turning to meet James’ eyes. He looked intensely sure of something, and it made James feel uneasy. “Yes. Why are you sitting here trying to speak with me at night? Why are you acting like you-” the boy broke off suddenly, turning away again and running a hand through his neatly laid hair, “why are you acting like this?”

James was still deeply confused but was aware the boy was likely to jump up and leave him at any second so he quickly said, “I’m talking to you because I want to. I’m being nice because you haven’t given me a reason not to.”

Regulus let out a laugh at that, a short cruel thing, nothing like the kind of laugh James wanted to hear from him, “I’ve been nothing but cool to you and your friends, and far worse to Sirius.”

“You don’t even speak to any of us, what are you talking about?”

“You shouldn’t be wasting this nice act on me.”

Now James was utterly and completely lost and quickly becoming frustrated. “There’s no act! You’re Sirius’s brother! I know what your mum does to him and I can only imagine how bad it is for you-” James immediately regretted saying that as Regulus had jumped to his feet, his wand clenched tightly in his hand.

“Don’t you dare say a word about my mother!” He spat, anger apparent on his face.

“I’m not trying to, Regulus, wait!” He called after the boy who was now stalking angrily down the hall. He jumped to his feet and walked a bit towards him, lost as to how to diffuse to the situation and even more confused as to why the thought of Regulus leaving was making him so upset.

“I care about you, you git! That’s all there is to it! You’ve been a right arse for years but I still just think of you as that kid on the train!” He called, his voice echoing a bit down the hall. He cringed, sure that anyone could have heard.

Regulus had stopped though, his back still turned to him. He seemed to be torn, which was better than angrily sprinting away, at least.

“I’d like to get to know the boy that kid grew up to be,” he said, surprising himself with how much he meant it.

Regulus cast a look at him over his shoulder, his expression carefully blank. Then, with no further warning, he looked away and kept walking down the hall until he vanished around a corner and was far from sight. 

James remained frozen in place, suddenly aware of how easily he could be caught. He quickly threw his cloak back on and walked slowly back the way he came, unsure as to what to do from here. There was no way he could go back to the common room now, he didn’t think he could stomach a party at the moment. 

He was thoroughly rattled and not completely sure as to why. He’d only spoken to Regulus a few other times since he first met the boy on the train years ago, only ever saying hello or other cordial greetings in passing. He usually reserved it for when Sirius wasn’t present, as Regulus was far more likely to ignore him completely if his brother was around. For some reason he’d always been fascinated by the boy, wishing he could rope him away from the blood purist crowd and get him on the right path, like Sirius. But the boy’s mum had her hooks deep in him, especially since Sirius had started school. After first year Sirius had been cast from grace in his mum’s eyes and Regulus had been proclaimed the new golden boy. All of her attention went from Sirius to him, grooming him to be the proper heir for the Black family that his brother could never be. It was all too much pressure for a kid, James had always been aware of that. 

And then Sirius had told him the truth of what had happened this summer. James' immediate reaction was to find a way to pull both boys out of their mother’s claws but he’d known that Regulus would be a hard sell. He’d told himself at least he could get Sirius out, but seeing Regulus just now had torn him. How could he leave him to his mother’s abuse when it was obvious the boy was hurting? He wasn’t sure as to why Regulus had been crying in the hall tonight, but the boy was a god amongst his fellow Slytherins so he was certain bullying couldn’t be the cause. It scared him how badly he wanted to find out and help Regulus with whatever is eating him up.

James wandered through the castle, pointing himself in the general direction of Gryffindor tower but not hurrying himself to get there. His mind continued to wonder, Regulus being the sole thing he could focus on. Another part of their conversation he couldn’t get out of his head was his sudden and overwhelming urge to get the boy to laugh. It was much like how he felt with Lily, always wanting to get her to smile. The intensity felt the same, which absolutely terrified him. By the time he made it to the portrait of The Fat Lady he had managed to convince himself he wanted to make the boy laugh because he wanted to cheer him up, which was enough to satisfy him for the night. 

He took off his cloak and cleared his throat, causing the Fat Lady to jump awake in surprise. “Squid,” he said to her.

“Do you have any idea what hour it is? Good Merlin, boy. No respect, I tell you!” The Fat Lady exclaimed, swinging aside to allow James to enter. 

James walked into the common room to find the party had all but died down, only a few students remaining. The majority of those left were sprawled across the couches in front of the fireplace, all talking quietly together. After a once-over James noticed that Sirius and Remus were nowhere to be found and made his way up to the dorms, wondering if they’d actually gone to bed at a somewhat decent time for once.

He opened the door to find they were all in fact asleep or at least acting as if they were. Sirius’s bed was unusually quiet which led James to believe the boy was feigning sleep. Sirius was certainly not normally a quiet sleeper. James stowed his cloak away and readied himself for bed, finally crawling under the covers a few minutes later. 

As he drifted off, he found his thoughts taken over by a certain younger broody Slytherin. Regulus’s breathy laugh echoed in his head and he found himself smiling a bit, still telling himself he had just wanted to cheer him up as sleep finally overtook him.


	5. A Very Angsty Full Moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of Lily and Remus being sweet this chapter! I adore their friendship and stand by them being BFFs.

Remus had never been more exhausted in his life. The full moon was only half a day away, leaving him much more drained than he ever was normally. All he wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep until nightfall, but Lily had had other plans. The girl had walked straight into their dorm just barely past sunrise, shaking him awake and informing him they had morning prefect duty along with an Arithmancy study session directly after. Remus had gotten up quickly, intent on getting Lily out of their dorm before any of the other boys, especially James, noticed her presence. Luckily, Lily had also been keen on not being spotted and had left hurriedly, threatening him with water in the face if he wasn’t downstairs in five minutes.

That was how Remus had found himself walking through the halls of Hogwarts at 6 AM with Lily Evans. The girl was a steady stream of news, talking animatedly about a new potions experiment she’d done with Snape. She had far too much energy for this time of day, Remus thought to himself, nodding along as she continued to talk.

“Did you hear about James’s recent attack on Severus?” The girl asked abruptly, pulling Remus from his half-awake stupor.

He nodded slightly, knowing she must be talking about “the pants incident” as James had taken to calling it. Sirius had chosen a different name, “the excellent prank that led to Lily Evans nearly murdering me in cold blood” incident. Peter had proposed “the giving snape what he deserves” incident, but the boys had all agreed that James’s was the easiest to say out of the lot.

“Can you believe it! Vanishing his pants! Of all the immature things they could possibly do, this one takes the cake!” Lily exclaimed, waving her hands angrily.

Remus nodded again, still too tired at the moment to be participating in any conversation.

“And THEN he tries to flirt with me! The nerve of him, he’s absolutely THE most idiotic moronic GIT I’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting!”

“He is an idiot,” Remus agreed, remembering how James had told Remus last night that the three of them were going to meet him at the entrance to the passageway to the Shrieking Shack the next night. He’d been furious that the boy had even thought anything about that sentence was okay and had promptly slammed his curtains shut and muttered a silencing charm before the boy could get another word in. 

“Exactly! The king idiot!” 

Remus laughed unexpectedly, nodding in agreement. “The king idiot, that rather suits him.”

Lily beamed, looking proud of herself. “I know, he was born for that title.”

“Yes, indeed he was. He is still my mate though, so let's leave him be.”

“He’s not my mate though, why do I have to leave him be?” Lily muttered, pulling open a tapestry as she walked past it. 

“Because you’re my mate and you don’t want to offend my delicate sensibilities.”

Lily laughed at that, rolling her eyes. “Alright, you got me. I wouldn’t want to do that, now would I?”

Remus smiled at her as the two made their way down the hall, peering left and right for any signs of wayward students. They wandered further through the castle, not once stumbling across any signs of trouble. Their shift neared its end and the two walked in the direction of the Great Hall. 

“How is Snape, anyway?” Remus asked after a moment of silence between them. He was feeling more awake now, better equipped to talk to Lily. 

“He’s fine, I think,” she said, pausing to size Remus up. He just sighed, rolling his eyes at the girl.

“Lily I’m not gonna tell anyone anything. You know I’m not out to get Snape.”

“Right, right, sorry. I just worry, you know? Severus already gets so much shit from everyone, I don’t want to be the cause of adding any more,” She said, blushing a bit.

Remus raised his eyebrow at her, “You do care quite a bit about him, huh?”

She somehow turned even redder at that, her face now resembling her hair. “Well, yes. He’s my best friend, of course I care for him!”

Remus found his smile widening as he took in Lily’s flushed face. “Oh, you like him, don’t you?” He teased, raising an eyebrow and elbowing her gently.

Lily pointedly ignored his teasing as the two entered the Great Hall and made their way over to the Gryffindor table. “Of course I like him, I told you, he’s my best friend.”

“You know what I mean, Lily,” Remus said, elbowing her again teasingly. 

“No, I’m afraid I don’t have the faintest clue,” she said, throwing herself down on the bench and beginning to rather violently pile eggs onto her plate.

“I’m saying you LIKE him like him,” Remus said as he sat next to her and started to load his own plate up in a contrastingly much more gentle nature.

“You’re barking,” Lily muttered, not looking at him. 

Remus just laughed teasingly at her, tucking into his breakfast. The two ate rather silently, only speaking to greet the students that slowly began to wander in. Remus was left to ponder over his newfound discovery, becoming very aware that he was going to have to tell James eventually. That was not a conversation he was looking forward to in the slightest. But really, the boy needed to know so he’d hopefully leave Lily in peace and try to move on. 

He was still reeling a bit, wondering just when Lily had started to actually like Snape. It made a bit of sense since the two were always so close and spent their summers together, but it was still odd. Severus had always been on the darker side, aligning himself with his blood purist housemates and not making a show of dissuading people that he shares their views. The only way Remus knew he didn’t back his housemates was from Lily’s constant assurances. 

He was startled out of his thoughts, though, when Sirius appeared on his other side, plopping himself down with a loud yawn.

“How the hell are you functioning so early?” Sirius said as he grabbed a plate and started serving himself.

“Prefect duty. I’m certainly not functioning, though,” Remus muttered in between bites.

“Merlin, no wonder you look like hell.”

“Thanks mate, you look right lovely too,” Remus bit back moodily. The further in the day it got the more he found himself feeling frustrated. Just another side effect of the full moon.

Sirius turned to look at him, looking a bit surprised at the amount of annoyance in his voice. He didn’t comment on it though, rather smart of him in Remus’s opinion. Instead, he just conjured up a wink and said, “I am quite lovely, aren’t I?”

Remus heard Lily groan quietly on his other side and couldn’t help but agree. Sirius’s increase in flirting this year had become a bit of annoyance, mostly just because it left Remus flustered half the time. He wasn’t used to this kind of attention, especially not from someone as forward and touchy as Sirius. And as attractive, his brain supplied unhelpfully. 

“You’re a right queen, Black.” Lily piped up.

“Indeed I am, darling! Though I must tell you, you really aren’t my type,” Sirius drawled as he leaned over the table to flash Lily a cheeky smile.

“I find I’m quite relieved to hear that.”

“Now Remus here, he’s certainly my type!” Sirius said jovially, turning to Remus and smiling in his breathtakingly charming way.

Remus managed to control his composure. He shot Sirius an annoyed look before shoveling as much bacon as he possibly could into his mouth in an attempt to keep him from saying something stupid back, like “I think you’re my type too but I know you’re not actually serious though your name is Sirius so please don’t make that joke I swear to god and Merlin.” Something along those lines.

Sirius shot him an odd look back but quickly turned it back into a smile before he focused again on his breakfast. Lily was quietly seething on Remus’s other side, and he quickly finished his food so they could head to the library before she or Sirius said anything else to each other. 

“See you later, Sirius,” He said as he got up, nodding at Lily to lead the way. 

“See you tonight, moonypie!” Sirius called after him. 

Remus found himself overthinking that a bit, suddenly filled with dread. He had no idea what the boys were planning tonight but it was obviously something to do with his transformation. He was beyond worried that they had something reckless in mind and their current behavior was just reinforcing his worry. Twice yesterday Peter had given him his guilty laugh when Remus had asked him if he’d take more detailed notes than usual while he’s in the hospital wing after the full moon. James had said that thing last night about being at the Shrieking Shack along with a cryptic comment earlier in the day about how “dear to him” he was that had been followed by yet another guilty laugh from Peter. Sirius had somehow managed to be a bit more secretive about whatever they had planned, now aside from this one comment. 

Remus just hoped they’d respect his wishes and keep themselves out of harm's way. If he managed to hurt them while transformed he would absolutely never be able to live with himself. Just thinking about it was depressing him to the point that Lily took notice and bumped into him sharply, a concerned look on her face. 

“You good?”

Remus shot her a weak smile, nodding. “Peachy,” he said.

The two spent the remainder of the hour surrounded by Athrimacy homework, both managing to find themselves more lost by the end of it.

“Why did I drop Divination for this, at least that’s an easy O!” Lily lamented, her face pressed into the crook of their textbook.

Remus nodded sympathetically, also pondering that himself. “At least you don’t have it with James, right?” He pointed out, reaching over to pat her shoulder reassuringly.

“Right. No James. That almost makes my guaranteed T worth it.” 

“Oh fuck off, you’re gonna pass with flying colors.” Remus told her.

“Just let me wallow in self-pity in peace, you arse,” Lily muttered, pressing her face further in the book.

Remus sighed, tutting a bit at her. He then glanced at the clock, shocking himself into action.

“Lily, we’re going to be late if you don’t pull yourself off that book within the next two seconds!” He barked at her, jumping to his feet and dumping his work into his bag. Lily stirred upright next to him, gathering her things as well. The two took off out of the library fast enough to get a telling off to their retreating backs by Madam Pince, though they were far too panicked to give it much thought. They made their way into Slughorn’s classroom with only seconds to spare, both pink in the face and greeted with a full classroom of Gryffindors and Slytherins. They both split off, Lily heading to her spot beside Snape while Remus went to throw himself next to Peter.

Peter was giving him a curious look but Remus ignored it, focusing his attention to the front where Slughorn was beginning to speak. Remus was still too out of breath to pay too hard of attention to whatever instructions Slughorn had given them. By the time he was beginning to settle down enough to focus, Slughorn had instructed them to start brewing.

Peter smiled next to him, his eyebrow raised as he said, “you didn’t pay attention one bit, did you?”

Remus shook his head sheepishly, craning at the board for the page number of the recipe. 

Peter sighed at him, shoving his already open textbook to Remus before taking off to gather their ingredients. 

The remainder of the class proceeded in mostly silence, only interrupted by Peter cursing every time he managed to cut his finger and hold it out for Remus to heal. The two managed to finish a bit earlier, though they were nowhere near the first done. Snape and Lily were talking quietly with each other, both looking a bit red in the face, which didn’t shock Remus in the slightest. In front of Peter and his table was Sirius and James, both of whom had finished only a minute before Peter and him. The two boys were talking quietly, their heads drawn together. 

“So, what were you and Evans doing all morning?” Peter asked, startling Remus a bit.

He rolled his eyes, “just studying in the library. Arithmancy is already kicking us right in the arse.”

“Right, “studying,” whatever you say.”

“Peter I don’t like Lily if that’s what you’re getting at.” Remus snapped.

Peter didn’t seem convinced by that though he did drop it, most likely because he could tell how pissed off it was making Remus. The two sat in silence for the remainder of the period, waiting patiently for Slughorn to dismiss them. 

After they were free to go, Remus stalked out of the classroom quickly, not in the mood to talk to any of his mates. He could see Sirius’s hurt expression as he stormed past the three boys but he ignored it. The rest of his classes passed by rather slowly, with him taking care to avoid talking to anyone unless he absolutely had to. His final class of the day was his only reprieve as it was Arithmancy with Lily.

The two sat next to each other in comfortable silence, taking notes as the lecture droned on. When it was finally time to leave, Lily grabbed his arm and hauled him down the hall, a look of utmost concentration on her face.

“Any particular reason you’re holding me hostage, Lily?” Remus asked, raising an eyebrow at the girl but allowing her to keep dragging him along.

“You’ve been in a right snit all day and I’m trying to get you to the Great Hall before anyone else gets there. We can scope out an end seat and ignore everyone the whole meal, it’ll be great!” She said encouragingly.

Remus balked at the girl, a bit overwhelmed with sudden gratitude. “Thanks, Lils,” he said fondly, meeting her smile.

They did manage to arrive before most of the crowd and occupied the end of the bench furthest from where the professors sat. They ate quickly, enjoying the quiet comfort of each other’s company. In record time they had finished and Lily abruptly yanked him to his feet and pulled him out of the Great Hall.

He smiled at her and asked, “where to now?” 

“Library, of course!” She beamed at him.

They settled into their usual spot in the library, a corner far enough away from the entrance that no one bugged them but not too far in that snogging couples would stumble across them. Remus opened a book and lost himself in it, happy to avoid his mates for the remainder of the day. He just wanted to make it through this full moon without them doing anything rash, and if that meant avoiding them then he’d do it. He did feel a bit bad when he remembered how hurt Sirius had looked, but his frustration at their scheming was enough to make him push it aside.

Lily sat next to him reading quietly as well, though her book was apparently one for school as only a moment later she pulled out parchment and a quill and set to work. 

Remus let himself tune out the world, diving into his book as he listened to Lily’s quill scratching.

The hours passed quickly, and before too long, Lily was nudging him out of his trance.

“It’s nearing curfew,” she said as she gathered her things.

Remus jolted, realizing just how close it is to the full moon. “Thanks for this Lils, really. I have to run though, I’m feeling a bit ill.”

Lily blinked at him, worry suddenly masking her face, “Are you alright? She asked, “I can come with if you’d like.”

Remus shook his head, already turning to make a beeline for the entrance, calling “I’m fine, thank you though. Have a good night!” 

He managed to get himself to the entrance of the Shrieking Shack in record time, relieved that he wasn’t late. Today had been a little too close for comfort. He made his way in and over to his normal spot where he waited to transform. He sat down, closing his eyes and dreading the feelings of unease and pain that were starting to assault him. Just as he was about to lose it, the wolf fully taking over, he heard the distinct sound of footsteps on the creaky floorboards a floor down. Dread overtook him fully but before he could call out a warning, the wolf had taken full control.

Remus awoke on the cold floor of the shack stark naked and distinctly sore. He let out a low groan, willing himself to open his eyes and survey the damage for the night. He stopped short though when he heard someone breathing close to him and was suddenly lifted off of the floor and pulled into very warm and very human arms.

He opened his eyes instantly, horror flooding him. He peered up to see Sirius staring down at him with the fondest look he’d ever seen. 

“You good, Moons?” He asked gently while he pulled Remus more snuggly against his chest.

Remus was far too shocked to even find a reaction. He instead just stared blankly at the boy, hoping desperately this was just a dream. He hoped beyond hope that Sirius had not snuck into the Shrieking Shack on a full moon when Remus had all but begged him to never go anywhere near it.

“James has clothes for you downstairs. We’ll get you dressed and get out of your hair before Pomfrey comes, I promise.” Sirius said.

Remus paled even more at the mention of James being in the building a well. He closed his eyes tightly, again willing this all to be a dream. A moment later he was being lowered onto the ground, aware that he was being gently manhandled into clothes but in way too much shock to do anything but allow them to move him. After they had finished, he allowed himself to crack his eyes open. Sirius, James, and Peter were all standing around him with various expressions of worry on their faces.

Remus still could not find it in himself to react, still remaining carefully blank.

“We’re gonna sneak off before Pomfrey comes, alright Remus? We have something to show you though after you get out of the hospital wing. See you later, alright?” James said carefully, smiling weakly at him.

Remus refused to respond, now aware that if he opened his mouth he’d surely regret whatever comes out of it. The boys regarded him with concern for another moment before they turned and made their way out, quietly muttering to each other as they went. Remus just sat in place, waiting for Madam Pomfrey to come collect him while he willed himself to calm down. 

A few minutes later Pomfrey appeared, a smile gracing her face as she took him in. “Look at you!” She exclaimed happily, helping him to his feet, “Not a new scratch on you and you’re already dressed! I take it last night was a good night, then?”

Remus nodded, allowing her to lead him out.

“Can you walk alright?” She asked, and again, Remus just nodded. She smiled at him, leading him to the hospital wing. She pointed him to bed, allowing him to climb into it himself while she bustled about grabbing jars here and there. 

She then proceeded to examine him, making happy clucking sounds the entire time.

“Lupin, my boy, you’re in excellent shape! Not a scratch, not a break, nothing!” She said happily, “I dare say you’re free to go. Just come right back if you discover anything out of whack, you hear me? None of that silent brooding, I won’t have it!”

“Yes ma’am, thank you,” Remus responded duly, unable to conjure any emotions besides anger and unrelenting fear.

Remus walked out of the hospital wing and towards Gryffindor tower, his whole body absolutely numb with fear. Anger was a close second, anger at himself and anger at his friends. He couldn’t find it in himself to settle down, only feeling the anger and fear grow as he entered the common room and headed to the dorm. He opened the door to find all three boys gathered around, laughing happily with each other. The sight just furthered Remus’s anger and he found himself on the edge of absolutely losing it.

The three boys turned to look at him, smiling happily. “You’re out already! I take it it was a good night then?” Sirius said, beaming at him.

Remus blinked. “A good night?” He said finally.

His tone was dire enough to stop the boys in their tracks. They all looked abruptly confused, staring at him with worry.

“I have one thing I’ve asked of you. Just the one. Don’t put me in a situation where I might hurt you. That’s it. Stay away from me on the full moon, it’s the one thing you have to do.” He said, glaring straight into each of them.

“Yet, last night I heard what I assume to be you three downstairs in the shack right as I’m about to transform. Do you have any idea how terrified that made me? And some-fucking-how, you managed to either survive the night or leave before I killed you. Cheers to that, I suppose. But do you have any idea at all how close you came to me hurting you?

Did you not for a single fucking second stop to think that maybe there’s a reason why I don’t want you anywhere near me when this happens? Did you just happen to conveniently forget that I am a monster? I’m an apex predator, a soulless evil being who loses all humanity for one night a month? Did you fucking forget? Or were you just deliberately being fucking stupid and willingly putting yourself in harms way? I have no idea which one is worse but both lead me to believe that none of you give a single shit about me.”

“Remus-” James tried to cut in, his expression absolutely mortified. Remus refused to let him speak though, too furious to give any of them a chance to explain.

“I thought we were friends,” he said, his anger building, “But apparently you don’t give a shit about me. So leave me the fuck alone, okay? At least until you start to realize how fucking moronic this all was and how fucking close you all came to letting me murder you or worse, bite you. Just, fuck off.” He sighed finally, losing steam. Before any of them could say anything, though, he stalked out of the room and slammed the door shut behind him. It was still early in the day so he set course for the library, wondering if Lily was there studying yet. 

He hoped she could distract him from this betrayal somehow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for this! The boys will get to explain eventually, don't worry. Just gotta let Remus have his broody time.


	6. An Alternate Dimension

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any spelling mistakes, I plan to edit this more thoroughly a bit later

Lily sat quietly in her usual spot in the library with her Transfiguration book buried firmly under her nose. She glanced up under her eyelashes at the boy sitting across from her, watching his pinched expression melt the further he got into his book. Remus had all but barrelled into her early that morning, whisking her off to the library before their classes. Lily had allowed him to drag her along for the day, her concern for her friend outweighing any petty bruising to her sense of independence. Remus had come to her looking worse than she’d ever seen, his face alight with a shade of anger that shocked her. She hadn’t asked a single question and had instead plastered a smile on her face and busied herself with distracting him. 

They’d sat next to each other every class that day, even in potions, which Lily knew had offended Sev. She’d passed him a note on her way out of a class, offering him an apology and a request for an evening in the practice lab. She hadn’t seen his response but he had smiled at her from across the Great Hall at lunch so she took that as an affirmative.

Lily was worried though, finding herself unable to think of anything else but what could possibly have happened between Remus and his friends to cause him to cut them out so sharply. She didn’t dare let herself pry yet, knowing Remus just needed a friend to distract him from whatever had happened. Eventually, he would need someone to vent to, Lily knew, but for now she was okay with shoving her curiosity down and being there for Remus.

It was now long past dinner and the two were still camped out in the library. It seemed to be the only place where Remus felt safe enough to relax without checking over his shoulder for one of his friends every other minute. She would be happy to spend the evening here with him but she knew if she blew Severus off he’d surely throw a fit for at least a week.

“Rem?” 

“Yeah?” The boy replied, eyes still flickering down the page of his book.

“Would it be alright if I ran off? I promised Sev an hour or so in the potions practice lab.”

Remus looked up at that, a small smile tugging his lips. “Of course, Lils. Don’t give me that look, I can fend for myself for an evening just fine,” he said. Lily hadn’t even noticed that she’d been giving him a concerned look and quickly plastered a grateful smile on her face instead. 

“Suuure you can,” she said teasingly to him as she pressed a quick kiss to the top of his head before she grabbed her things. She couldn’t help let out a laugh when she saw Remus out of the corner of her eye wipe at the spot she’d kissed with a thoroughly confused expression on his face. “Gotta keep you on your toes, don’t I?” She called over her shoulder.

She heard the boy make a confused noise behind her and turned her head to shoot him a wink before she walked out of view. Hopefully, that would distract him a bit so he didn’t abruptly collapse into a pit of brooding the second he was alone. Knowing Remus it was nearly a sure thing.

Lily made her way to the dungeons with her eyes peeled, scoping for James and his lot so she could hopefully hex them before they got anywhere near Remus. Luckily, or rather unluckily for Lily’s fighting mood at the moment, there was no sign of them and she found herself at the potions practice lab door without any issue. She swung it open, prepared to launch into a dramatic tale about nearly transfiguring her own hand during class earlier, when she stopped short at the sight in front of her. Severus was seated at one of the round tables in the little room with Crouch Jr. sitting next to him, looking extremely bored and on the verge of falling asleep.

“Hey Sev…” She said, raising her eyebrow at him. 

Severus’s head shot up from where he had been craned over a cauldron and he abruptly broke out into a large smile. “Lils, it’s good to see you,” he said. Something was off in his voice though, he sounded far too formal.

“Ah, you must be Lily Evans!” Crouch called, jumping up in his seat. There was a sinister smile looming on his face that made Lily want to turn on her heel and go right back to the library with Remus. What the hell was Crouch doing here? Barely anyone even knew about the practice lab let alone cared enough to come here. Why would Severus ask him to be there? 

“Yes. You’re Crouch?” She asked politely. She knew perfectly well who he was. Crouch had joined right up with the blood purist group that hung around Severus the minute he was sorted. He also was apparently an incredible student, so much so that he often tutored some younger Slytherins in the library. He was in the Slug Club as well, since his father worked for the ministry doing something or another. Lily tended to avoid him at their meetings.

“Bah, my father goes by Crouch, call me Barty!” The boy said, still smiling. “Now there’s no need to stand there all night, I know you’ve got work to do. Don’t mind me, I’m not even here!” 

Lily smiled as politely as possible at him as she made her way over to the table. She sat down next to Severus who had returned his attention to the cauldron supposedly. Lily could tell he wasn’t actually paying attention though, which rubbed her the wrong way. Everything about this odd little situation was making her fight-or-flight senses off the charts. Something was very, very off.

“What’re we working on tonight, then?” She asked, motioning at Severus to pass over the recipe.

“An old blood replenishing potion. It was supposed to work in under a minute but it was abandoned before it could be perfected,” Severus said.

“I have no idea where you find these things but please never stop. This looks fascinating! How long have you been working so far?”

“Sevey boy has been here since dinner! Just couldn’t get away from us fast enough, this one.” Barty interrupted, smiling at Severus pointedly.

Lily gave Barty a small nod in response then turned back to the recipe. “So you’re quite far along then,” she said to Severus.

“Yes, a bit. Pass me the knife, Lily?” 

Lily handed it to him but kept her eyes on the recipe. She’d already read it twice over but felt it was better to look busy at the moment. She could feel Barty’s eyes on her and it was unsettling her so much she could barely focus on helping Severus.

After a few minutes of extremely awkward silence, Lily decided she’d had enough of this. Severus was obviously not going to say anything so she figured it was up to her.

“So Barty, I hear you’re quite good at potions yourself,” she said sweetly, turning her full body to look at him.

Barty raised his eyebrow for a second then flipped back into his oddly manic smile. “Yes, I dare say I’m adept enough to make due. Nothing like Severus here though, he’s the true talent!” He said.

“So are you here purely to observe his talents or were you hoping to lend a hand?” 

“Bah, nothing like that. I’m just here to spend time with my good ole friend!”

Lily raised her eyebrow as she said, “Oh? I wasn’t aware you two were close.” She shot Severus a look as she said it, hoping he’d join in at some point. But no, he didn’t react, instead just focused on stirring the potion.

“Oh, we are. Quite close in fact. Brothers in blood, you could say. I’ve gotta keep an eye on him, you know. Make sure he’s associating with the right types of folk. You know how it is….” He trailed off, his smile still plastered on. 

Lily was entirely unsure what to make of that statement, especially since Severus had never mentioned Barty before besides to complain that he’s always far too loud in their common room in the evenings. All she knew was that she was being threatened, in that roundabout faux polite and proper Slytherin way. That set her off, so much so that she rose from her seat and snatched her bag off the floor. 

“I understand quite well. I do have to go, though, I forgot I have a Charms essay to do. I’m sure Barty can assist you just fine, Severus,” she said, shooting a glare at the boy who still wasn’t looking up at her. “Goodnight.”

She heard Barty call out a gleeful farewell but her blood was pounding in her ears too much for her to make sense of it. Anger carried her all the way up to Gryffindor tower and anger helped her quickly get ready for bed and slam the curtains closed while Marlene gossiped to Dorcas about Sirius Black of all people. Hurt was what took over eventually though, taking her into a very fitful night's sleep. 

Classes the next day were a chore, but Lily made it through alright. Her anger had evaporated quickly and now she was left with nothing but pure hurt. She couldn’t wrap her head around what Barty had been doing there last night and why Severus had been alright with it. He knew how she felt about his housemates, especially those like Barty who were very vocal about hating muggleborns. Yet he hadn’t thought to warn her or even spoke up that night or anything. He’d basically just rolled over and let Barty have the run of things. It made no sense, especially since Barty was younger. She’d at least thought that Severus’s pride would keep him from letting a fourth year walk all over him. 

She was currently sitting in the Great Hall, quietly eating her dinner with Remus on her left. The boy was still avoiding his friends and had spent another day partnered with Lily in classes. She hadn’t minded one bit, especially since talking to Remus kept her distracted from thinking about Severus. But now it was dinner and Remus refused to speak in the presence of his friends who were sitting at least 5 people down the table from them. She kept catching Sirius Black staring at Remus quite a bit, enough that she had shot him a glare the last time she noticed. 

After they’d both finished they got up quietly and made their way to the library. Neither said a word the whole way there, both lost in their own thoughts. They found their usual table and sat down next to each other then started pulling out their homework. She was still deep in thought, replaying last night in her head, when Remus kicked her under the table. 

She shot up, glaring at the boy. “What the hell, Remus!”

“You looked about ready to pass out if you kept overthinking whatever it is you’re overthinking.”

“So you kicked me? You couldn’t have just said “hey Lily stop that” or something?”

“Kicking’s more effective, in my personal experience.”

“Remus, I’m a lady, you can’t just go around kicking ladies. It’s horridly ungentlemanly.”

Remus shrugged and said, “my foot doesn’t share my manners.”

Lily huffed out a laugh at that and then kicked Remus under the table as hard as she could. Remus, bless him, made no move or reaction and simply went about his business, pulling out a parchment and quill with an air of indifference. The two worked in silence for a bit, both much more relaxed now.

She tried to focus on her homework, she really did, but eventually all she could think about was Severus ignoring her and letting Barty threaten her. It really made no sense and no matter how many times she replayed the events in her head, she couldn’t find an explanation for Severus’s behavior. He was just so unlike his usual self last night. Barty being there still didn’t make sense to her either. Barty had acted as though he was protecting Severus, which was just completely stupid. Was he doing it because Severus asked him to or was he doing it without Severus’s permission? Either one made no sense. She couldn’t think of why he would want protection from her of all people, and Severus just letting someone protect him was not even in his vocabulary. He didn’t even like it when Lily tried to keep Potter and his lot from bugging him. Why would he let a younger student he doesn’t even talk to do it? 

“You’re doing it again,” Remus said, breaking her out of her thoughts. 

She shot him a sheepish smile and was about to turn back to her work but Remus’s expression stopped her. He had abandoned his essay and was sitting there with his arms crossed and an eyebrow raised, looking as though he was waiting for her to do something.

“You alright?” She asked him, feeling lost as to why he was acting like this all of the sudden.

“I’m managing but you look as though you’re gonna have a right stroke if you don’t say whatever it is that is on your mind. So spill.”

Lily rolled her eyes, huffing a bit. “It’s nothing, I assure you.”

Remus was not convinced. He just sat there quietly, the same expression on his face. Lily ignored him and turned back to go to her homework, hoping he’d give up in a moment. But no such luck. She could feel his eyes on her and let out a long sigh, throwing her quill back down. “Fine, fine. Just don’t be an arse, alright?”

“That means Snape did something, didn’t he,” Remus said, relaxing his posture a bit but now looking worried.

“Yes. Maybe. Oi! I don’t know exactly…” 

“Did something happen last night?” Remus asked.

“Yes, but nothing really that was Sev’s doing, I suppose. It was just… Barty Crouch was there with him when I got there. And he kept talking to me and essentially threatened me at the end of it all. Sev basically did nothing the whole night and just let him be an arse to me. It was all very odd.”

Remus studied her thoughtfully and then nodded for her to go on.

“Barty said he was there to make sure Sev was associating with the right sorts of people, or something like that. He said it in a way that clearly meant I wasn’t the right sort. And Severus didn’t do a thing about it! It makes no sense, he usually stands up for himself and for me!” Lily’s voice had raised a bit at that.

“That is odd,” Remus said.

“And Barty was acting like he was there to protect Sev which is just so weird on so many different levels. Why would Sev need or want protection from me? Oh God, what if he doesn’t want to be alone with me? What if he wanted Barty to be there? I mean he made it seem like he didn’t want him there, but what if he was faking? What if he’s trying to blow me off without him being the one who hurts my feelings-”

“Lily, you’re spiraling,” Remus interrupted as he put his hand on her shoulder gently. 

Lily nodded, trying to get a hold of herself. “I’m just really worried. And, well, hurt,” she admitted quietly.

Remus patted her shoulder reassuringly and gave her a soft smile. “Lily, I gotta admit, I’m no help when it comes to relationships-”

“Relationships?! What the hell are you on about?” Lily interrupted sharply, shrugging off his hand.

“Well all this dating business goes right over my head-”

“Dating?!” Lily squeaked.

Remus stopped, looking at her in surprise. “Wait, you two aren’t…?” He trailed off, his eyebrows raised.

“Absolutely not! He’s my best friend! Where the hell did you pull that from?!”

Remus shrugged at her but looked a bit more relaxed. “Just from the way you talk about him and act around him and go on and on about him and worry about him and look at him and from how much you’re overthinking everything- need I go on?”

Lily stared at him, completely floored. She could feel that her face was tomato red but she couldn’t bring herself to be embarrassed about that. No, the embarrassing thing was that Remus seemed so absolutely sure of it, like she 100% had to have feelings for Sev. There was no way. None at all.

“I’ve gotta run-” She said suddenly, throwing her things in her bag and running off. “Not a word to anyone!” She called over her shoulder.

She bolted up to her dorm, desperately hoping she didn’t run into anyway she knew, especially, god forbid, Sev. She climbed into bed and shut her curtains quickly, grateful that the dorm room was currently empty. It was still early enough in the evening that most of her roommates were either still eating or were hanging out in the common room. The silence was welcome, but she really didn’t want to be thinking about what her brain was currently trying to get her to focus on.

Sev. What the hell was Remus on, thinking she was with him? It didn’t make sense, none at all. They’re just friends, the best of friends. Or they were, really, she wasn’t too sure where they stood after the weirdness of last night. But it was stupid to think they were more than friends. Absolutely stupid.

He was sweet, though. And brilliant. And quite good looking when he tries. And easy to talk to. And fun to be around. And millions of other things that make him a good FRIEND, she reminded herself quickly. Just a friend, nothing more. Besides, what would Sev think if he found out she even for a moment considered wanting something more? He’d be freaked out, that’s for sure. He certainly had no interest in her like that or he would have told her. Right? 

Lily wasn’t sure of anything anymore. She blamed Remus Lupin to hell and back for this current crisis and decided to hex him a bit tomorrow for causing her such mental distress. But, she really could not get herself to stop thinking about Sev now. Like That. In a romantic way. It wouldn’t be the worst thing, to kiss him. She suspected it would be somewhat nice, if they could push past the whole awkward bit about them being such good and old friends. 

Now she really couldn’t stop thinking about it. His hair was long enough she could run her fingers through it while they kissed. Which wouldn’t be horrible, she supposed. It might actually be a bit nice. And his hands were really very large, so they’d probably feel a bit good grabbing her face. Well, she suspected. Very strongly. Actually, she was certain they would.

She found herself daydreaming about kissing Sev for far longer than she should have allowed herself. It was only when Marlene came bustling into the room with Mary and Dorcas behind her that Lily snapped out of it, immediately mortified with herself. Sev had literally just been an arse to her last night and she was laying here thinking about doing things with him that she shouldn’t want to do and she couldn’t want to do, not with her best friend. If they did get together and it didn’t work out she wouldn’t be able to live with herself. Nothing would be worth losing her best friend. 

Lily laid in bed for the rest of the evening, trying to read a book to distract herself and miserably failing. All she could think about was Sev and his long hair and his big hands and the face he makes when he’s concentrating on a potion. She lingered far too long at that last thought, surprising herself with how attractive she found it. After a while she realized the dorm had gone silent, which promptly startled her out of her daydreams. 

She lept out of bed and grabbed her robe then made her way out of the dorm as quickly and quietly as she could. Patrol was tonight and she was certain she was late. She was supposed to go out right at curfew, but here everyone was long asleep already. The common room was absolutely empty which definitely meant she was late. She headed out of the tower and down into the bowels of the castle as quickly as she could, hoping no one had gotten up to anything while she’d been absent. She neared her assigned section of the castle and slowed finally, starting to keep her eyes out for any stray students. 

Patrol was one of the things about being a prefect that she absolutely hated, though if anyone asked she would lie. It was just so boring to wander around the castle, especially when there was no one else around. Hardly anyone ever seemed to try to get out past curfew, so she was usually just bored out of her mind. She was so bored that she’d started hoping to find snogging couples around corners, a truly chilling turn. 

The next ten or so minutes were spent with her daydreaming about snogging Severus in any of the hidden corners of the castle. She really couldn’t help herself, far too bored to think of anything else. She was finally starting to convince herself that nothing could ever come of this, that this was just a passing crush, when she heard voices down the hall. She blinked, snapping out of her thoughts and realizing she was deep in some empty part of the dungeons. An odd chill ran through her at that realization. There could be anyone down here, any Slytherin who could want to attack her. She quickly pulled out her wand and gripped it tightly as she tiptoed closer to the bend in the hall. 

Lily steeled herself as she neared, finally able to pick out voices that just shocked her to her core. 

“We are absolutely going to crush you this year, just give up already-” Came the clear and teasing voice of none other than James Potter. 

Lily was so floored she lost track of the conversation for a moment, getting ahold of herself a second later to hear the second voice say, “Your seeker is far too incompetent, I’ll destroy them you realize-” Lily was very lost now, realizing that she had no idea who that other voice is. It wasn’t Sirius or Peter or anyone James would normally sneak out with, which made no sense. It wasn’t a girl either, which made even less sense. Why would James be out in the dungeons with some guy who Lily was positive couldn’t be a Gryffindor?

“I can’t lie, you are a somewhat okay seeker…”

“ “Somewhat okay?” Wow, truly a glowing review from the Gryffindor golden boy. I’m sooo touched.”

“You should be, that’s truly high praise for a snake!”

A small laugh followed this and then there was a pause. It took her a moment to realize what James had said. A snake. The mystery boy was a Slytherin. Now Lily was even more thrown. She crept closer to the bend, getting near enough to peer a tiny bit at the two boys. Both were sitting next to each other with their backs along the wall, their knees drawn up and their heads tilted back, both staring up at the ceiling. 

“Why do you keep doing this?” Said the other boy after a moment, still looking upward.

Lily watched as James turned to look at him, obviously upset for some reason.

“And why do you keep doing this?” He said firmly.

“Doing what?”

“Acting like it’s weird that we get along.”

The other boy let out a loud huff and turned to face James. Lily couldn’t see his face but from his posture she assumed he was mad.

“We shouldn’t get along. You really shouldn’t be wasting your energy on me.”

“Hanging 'round with you isn’t a waste. Why are you so determined to push me away?” James said angrily.

“Because you don’t deserve to put up with my crap!” The other boy snapped.

James wavered a bit and then steeled himself, looking angry again. “I like putting up with your crap! YOU don’t deserve any of it!”

There was a bitter laugh from the boy, long and low. James visibly flinched at it, looking upset now.

“You don’t know me.” The boy said simply.

“I want to,” James said without any hesitation. 

They were both quiet for a moment again, apparently neither wanting to be the first to break the silence. Lily took a few steps back from the corner to a much safer distance away. She needed to get out of there quickly if she wanted to avoid running into James when he inevitably storms off. She toyed very briefly with the idea of busting them both, but the silence was broken and she was thrown yet again by what she heard.

“Thank you. For… well, treating me normally I guess. Not being an arse. I know that’s not your strong suit.”

James let out a very breathy laugh, sounding like it came out against his best efforts to stop it.

“I’m sorry your housemates suck. I wish I could take you to the tower so you don’t have to hide out in the halls at night. It’s really not safe, you know.”

“Safer than staying in there.”

It was quiet for a moment again before James responded. 

“You can talk to me, you know. During the day. If you wanted.”

Another pause. Then, “No, I couldn’t. I’d be slaughtered if they knew I talked to you.”

Both boys were quiet again and Lily turned to leave. She felt like she was intruding on something far too intimate, which rattled her completely. It turns out James Potter does have a heart. 

Lily walked away quietly, all thoughts of Sev properly gone. Who would have thought James Potter would be out at the wee hours of the night comforting a scared Slytherin? It made no sense. Really everything about the last 24 hours made no sense. Lily felt as if she had entered an alternate dimension, one where she can’t stop lusting after her best friend who might not want to even be her friend anymore and one where James Potter cares about other people, even some random Slytherin boy.


	7. Confessions and Realizations

It had not been a good few days for Sirius. His crush and good friend had been blatantly ignoring him, seriously cutting into the amount of attention he was receiving. And Sirius Black needed attention to survive. He had overall not been handling the cold shoulder well at all, even by his own standards. He stared at Remus far more often than could be considered in the realm of normal and had essentially started stalking him. Stealthily, of course. If Remus knew he would hex his balls straight off. Which was pretty much the opposite of what Sirius wanted him to do to his balls. 

James had taken to lecturing Sirius about letting others “have their space” but Sirius had tuned him out almost immediately and refused to even for a second think about letting Remus out of his sight. Especially since he had started hanging around Lily enough that a couple of Hufflepuff girls had begun a rumor that the two were shagging. Sirius knew it wasn’t true, he really did, but he couldn’t help how insanely jealous he had gotten when he’d heard it. He knew Remus wouldn’t do that to James, even if he was pissed at him, but it still rubbed him wrong. 

Sure, Remus was free to have other friends. He was especially glad that Remus had someone to talk to since he was freezing out his only other friends, but he just didn’t understand why it had to be Lily of all people. Yes, they’d been friends for years, right, whatever. But she was far too pretty and far too brilliant for anyone to hang around with her that much and not start to feel the least bit attracted. Sirius was fairly sure ladies didn’t do it for him anymore but even he could admit that Lily Evans was a right catch. 

Which is what led him to corner James in their dormitory in between classes to have a likely very anger inducing chat. 

“Hey, James?” He asked from his perch atop James' bed. The boy in question was currently bent over his trunk, rifling through it for his Muggle Studies book. 

“What?” He replied absentmindedly. Sirius figured this was the perfect time for an ambush.

“Do you reckon Lily and Remus are a bit too close?”

“Do you reckon you’re too far gone for Remus to have an objective opinion on any birds he hangs around?”

Sirius balked at that, spluttering out, “She’s not just any bird though. It’s Lilypad! Lily-love! The Lils’!”

“Yes, they’ve been mates for ages, so what?” 

“So, don’t you think they’ve gotten a bit more close than just mates?”

James scoffed, “Remus hasn’t hit on a bird in his life, you really don’t have anything to worry about.”

Sirius just stared at him, completely shocked by his lack of care. James plucked out his book a moment later, straightening to head out of the room when he turned and caught sight of Sirius’s face. He sighed heavily as if having to deal with Sirius was the biggest inconvenience in his entire life. It was a fair feeling to have, Sirius could admit.

“Mate, they’re just friends. Remus isn’t talking to us so of course he’s spending more time with Lily. She’s his only other friend if you hadn’t noticed. He’s not the most sociable guy.”

“Have you seen them, though? They’re so touchy-feely!”

James shot him an unimpressed look. “You’re the touchiest person I’ve ever met and you don’t have a thing for everyone you’re all over.”

“Yes but neither of them are normally touchy and now they are! How are you not more concerned about this? What if she likes him?”

“Bah, Remus isn’t her type, Sirius, it’s fine.”

“Remus is everyone’s type!” Sirius exclaimed, genuinely offended.

“Not mine, mate.”

“Yes, well you’re supposedly hung up on one bird but you’ve hardly made any effort with her at all lately! You’re really just okay with her falling for Moony?”

James sighed and then collapsed in a heap on his bed next to Sirius. He took a deep breath, rubbing his temples in a manner that usually meant he was nervous. Sirius was suddenly immensely worried. Why was James all anxious all of the sudden?

“You alright, mate?” Sirius asked him as he poked him gently in the shoulder.

James let out a distressed grunt, covering his eyes with his hands. A moment later he heaved himself upright and turned to look at Sirius, not quite meeting his eyes.

“Alright, I have something to tell you,” he said, looking as if he was steeling himself to get punched. Sirius nodded at him to continue. “I’ve been kinda busy… Well, hanging round with someone.”

Sirius’s eyebrows shot up at that. “You found a new gal? Merlin, mate, took you long enough!”

James shook his head, still not quite making eye contact. “No, not a bird. I’ve been, uh. Okay.” He took a deep breath, then in one breath let out, “I’vebeenhangingoutwithRegulusinthedungeons.”

Sirius was certain he hadn’t heard him right. “Regulus? My brother?”

James buried his face in his hands again but nodded shortly. Sirius just stared at him, entirely unsure what to do with this turn of events. His initial reaction was to laugh and say “good prank, mate” but he could tell from this rare sight of James’ nerves that this was no prank. He really had been spending time with his brother. Sirius pinched his arm briefly, fairly certain he must be dreaming. Or having a nightmare. One of the two.

“Well. Okay. So, Regulus. You and him. In the dungeons. Together. Alone.” 

James remained silent but nodded again. 

“Well. Okay. I guess I just have to ask, why?” Sirius said, trying his very best to keep his voice steady. He found he wasn’t exactly angry that James had been doing this behind his back. More than anything he was just confused. 

James steeled himself again, straightening up and taking a centering deep breath. He ran his hands through his hair nervously, seemingly unsure of where to begin. Sirius just waited silently, having no trust in what would come out of his mouth if he opened it. 

“I found him, you see… upset, the night of the party, when I went out. We spoke a bit and I realized that he wasn’t half bad to talk to. Since then I’ve been sneaking down to run into him at night. Well, basically every night. We talk a lot, mostly about quidditch and charms and safe topics like that. He’s just… well, he’s really not right, Sirius. I mostly just try to distract him. He doesn’t feel like he can sleep in his dorms. He won’t tell me why, exactly, but he’s talking to me a bit about what’s going on, at least.” James paused, sparing a brief glance to Sirius before he continued, “he reminds me a bit of you, actually. When I first met you. He’s just really lost.”

Sirius found he was entirely unprepared on how to handle this information. He just sat quietly, not looking at James. James, who had been sneaking out every night for weeks to go talk to his git of a baby brother. James, who apparently cared about aforementioned git of a baby brother. Sirius knew that James was a bleeding heart, always looking out for others and always quick to care. But Regulus? He was certain his brother was a lost cause. Too far in his mum’s pocket and too brainwashed by pureblood ideals to stand a chance. Hearing that he may have been wrong… Well, that didn’t sit right with Sirius. Especially after he’d all but given up on him. Now he just felt like he might have failed him.

James remained quiet beside him, just staring at his hands and trying not to fidget. Sirius took a deep breath and turned to his best friend, grabbing his shoulder lightly and squeezing. “You really think he could be better?” He found himself asking. James turned to look at him, his eyes blazing with fierce conviction as he nodded firmly. Sirius nodded in return and stood up, ready to go find someone to bum a cigarette from since he couldn’t ask Remus anymore. He felt like a cigarette was really the only way he could handle this right now. He stopped himself though, a growing worry starting to expand in his gut. “James?” He called suddenly, freezing in place. 

“What?”

“You’re not putting the moves on my brother, are you?”

He was met with a loud choking sound in response and turned to find James folded in on himself, his face more red than Sirius had ever seen it. All of this was just further confirming his suspicions. He felt an odd discomfort in his stomach and pushed it down firmly while he waited for James to pull himself together.

“Where the hell did you get that idea?!”

“From you sneaking off to see him every night for weeks. That’s the least heterosexual thing I’ve ever heard, and I’m a poof.”

James just stared at him, his mouth hanging open. “That is not even remotely-” 

Sirius interrupted him, waving his hand, “I’m not gonna buy whatever excuse you come up with so come off it. Just be careful, alright? You’re far too trusting for your own good and Reg is a snake, through and through.”

James just continued to stare at him like he’d grown another head. Sirius ignored it and started to leave to go find someone who would have a cigarette. Or two. Or three. Maybe just a whole pack. Actually, maybe someone had that marijuana cig he’d been hearing some murmurs about. Right now he felt down to try anything to forget that his best mate was probably into his brother. 

He was interrupted from his hasty exit when Peter stumbled into the room, looking thoroughly distressed. He stopped short when he saw how tense the two were, now looking like he might just break down into tears if anyone looked at him wrong.

“Pete, what’s got you looking like a kicked puppy?” James asked. 

“Evans. S-she right screamed at me when I accidentally sat next to Remus in the common room. I didn’t even pay attention to who else was on the couch, I just wanted to relax before Herbology!” The boy cried.

James and Sirius shared a look and then James went over to Peter, putting his arm around his shoulders and leading him over to his bed. He pulled a blanket over Peter then looked back at Sirius, his expression retaining none of the nerve and embarrassment from a moment ago.

“Well, this has got to end,” James declared as he patted Peter comfortingly on the back.

“What do we do? He won’t come anywhere near us and he comes up to bed late and puts up silencing charms the second he’s in here,” Sirius said, frowning at the two other boys.

“I’m not sure, I reckon we just wing it.”

Sirius raised an eyebrow at that but he cracked a wide smile. “Oh ho ho! I do love winging it!” He paused a moment though, looking more serious before he added, “but we can’t do this wrong. I can’t- we can’t-” he amended quickly, “lose Remus. We can’t fuck this up any more than we already have.”

James and Peter both nodded in agreement. James appeared deep in thought, then a small smirk slipped on his face. He looked at Sirius and then said, “I’ll handle it. Everyone just be in bed before 10, got it?” Both boys nodded and James looked far too pleased at whatever plan he was thinking about. Sirius found himself a bit worried about what the other boy had in store but he trusted James to not push Remus away anymore than they already had. 

The rest of the day passed by at a crawl, with Remus still ignoring them and still constantly around Lily. The girl still glared at Sirius whenever she noticed him looking and he’d taken personal offense to that. He knew for a fact Lily couldn’t have known the real reason why Remus was icing them out but her steadfast loyalty to keeping them away from Remus just infuriated him. Her blind loyalty reminded him so much of James that it physically hurt, especially since it seemed James had finally lost interest in her. The two would actually do quite well together, he thought, but they were both far too stubborn to end up together the way things were going. Lily was attached to Remus at the hip and when she wasn’t shadowing him she was trawling the halls with Snivellus, laughing her head off. Meanwhile, James was apparently too busy having his own little sexuality crisis to spare any attention to anyone else. It was all rather tragic. 

Sirius found his own love life was rather tragic at the moment, as well. He was head over heels for Remus but knew his chances with him were slim to none. Remus just didn’t date. There was a slight chance that he could be bent since he had never shown any interest in girls, but Sirius didn’t dare hope. Hoping that his feelings could be returned was not something he could afford to do, especially when it came to Remus. The two had been so close before this recent event, confiding in each other and spending quite a bit of time together. But their friendship was far too important to Sirius to risk ruining with his own stupid feelings. 

Sirius still wasn’t entirely sure what had happened to cause such a shift in his own sexuality, though the more he thought about it the more he realized he had never actually enjoyed being with women. It was really out of expectation and rebellion that he went around snogging every girl in sight. He’d never really daydreamed about being with a girl, but he had figured that as long as he kept snogging them he’d be fine. It would pass. He’d develop feelings for them eventually, because of course, what other option was there. It wasn’t until he was faced with a grown-up Remus that he realized that birds just may not be in the cards for him. It was still rather hard for him to tell if he was properly bent or just Remus-sexual, as he’d gone to call it in his head. Other blokes just didn’t seem to catch his eye the way Remus did. He wrote that off as him just having it bad for the boy, though, and figured he would be attracted to other blokes if Remus was out of the picture. But Remus was definitely not out of the picture so Sirius was still left trying to figure out what the hell he actually was attracted to. Lately, he hadn’t spared much thought into this, though. Remus ignoring him was far more pressing than finding a concrete label for his sexuality. 

It neared curfew far too slowly for Sirius’s liking but eventually he joined James and Peter in their dormitory. Peter looked nervous, but that wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for him. James though, James looked like he was the only one in on the funniest joke in the world. Sirius walked over to where Peter was sitting in the center of the room and plopped down beside him. He kept his eyes firmly glued on James, certain the boy was about to prank him in some way. 

“What’s the plan mate?” He asked finally, growing weary of James' increasing smirk.

“You’ll see. When I give you the signal just roll with it, alright? You too, Pete.”

Peter and him both nodded but Sirius was still convinced there was some kind of pranking about to happen. He knew it couldn’t be on Remus, since the whole point of this intervention or whatever was to fix their friendship with him, and pranking Peter is just far too easy for James to look so excited. So it had to be him.

“What’re you gonna do to me?” Sirius asked, eyeing James wearily.

James snickered loudly then said, “Nothing, mate. Like actually nothing for once. Just, you’ll see.”

Sirius was still unconvinced but allowed himself to relax a bit. He focused his attention onto Peter, who was laying on his back with a book basically pressed against his nose. He seemed to be trying to absorb the information through his skin. It wasn’t the worst idea he’d had, for sure.

A moment later the door banged open and Remus came stomping inside, his eyes down and his fists bunched at his sides. James jumped up immediately and walked into the center of the room and blocked Remus’s path to his bed. Remus’s eyes lit up in fury and he was about to open his mouth, likely to yell, when James vanished and was suddenly replaced with a giant stag.

Sirius could not help the surprised laugh that came out of his mouth but quickly cut it off by turning himself into his own animagus form, a great black dog. He looked up at Remus who was now staring at him in complete shock, his mouth hanging open uselessly. Sirius turned to see if Peter had got onboard and instead found a small rat trying to escape from under the book Peter had been holding a moment ago. Sirius let out a quiet bark of excitement and trotted right up to Remus, jumping up on his hind legs and licking him right on the mouth. 

Remus let out a loud gasp at that and swatted Sirius off. His eyes were still hopelessly wide as he looked from the stag, to the dog, to the rat back and forth in disbelief.

“James?” He managed to say, focusing on the stag in front of him with his big eyes.

James promptly turned back into himself, a giant grin on his face and a loud laugh tumbling out of his mouth. “Now THAT is winging it!” He cried, throwing his arm around Remus’s shoulder jovially.

Remus still looked as though his entire life had been a lie and just stared at Peter as he appeared on the floor with his book on his head. Sirius changed back into himself a moment later and couldn’t help letting out a laugh. 

“Wow, mate. Not bad,” Sirius said to James, smiling as he walked over to him and Remus. “You okay, Rem?”

“Didn’t piss yourself, did you?” Peter asked as he tossed his book onto the floor. “I swear I smelt piss. Could have just been Sirius’s natural aroma, though, to be fair.”

Sirius didn’t even have it in him to snark back, he couldn’t take his eyes off of Remus. The boy was still wearing the same shocked expression and looked a hair away from having a complete mental breakdown.

Remus seemed to shake himself awake and turned to look at James as he said, “Animagi? Did I-” he paused a moment, “Did I get that right?” James nodded brightly in reply. “Oh. Yes. That’s...” Remus trailed off as he pulled himself out of James’s grasp and stumbled over to the nearest bed, which happened to be Sirius’s. He collapsed onto his back and stared with unseeing eyes at the ceiling.

James and Sirius shared a look then both moved over to the bed with Remus, dropping down to sit on the edge of the bed. Peter moved over a moment later but sat on the floor next to them, looking rather lost. 

Sirius put a hand on Remus’s forehead, now worried he might be ill or something. “Mate, you alright?” He asked worriedly.

“Peachy.”

Sirius and James looked at each other in concern then turned back to Remus. “Do you have any questions?” James asked after a beat.

Remus let out a dry laugh at that and said, “Questions? Questions? Really? Oh, I’ve got a few. I just don’t even know…” He trailed off again and covered his face with his hands.

“Alright, we’ll just explain to start. After we found out years ago about your furry little problem we all really wanted to find a way to help-” James threw up his hand in warning as Remus had opened his mouth to interrupt, “Don’t start with the spiel, alright, just listen a sec. We wanted to help so we got to brainstorming. Then we had that transfiguration lesson about animagi and we decided that could work. Because, ya know, the wolf wouldn’t be as keen to hurt other animals. Then, we could all be there with you and keep you entertained so you don’t keep hurting yourself all cooped up in the Shack.

So we went with it and over the last few years we’ve been making slow progress. We finally finished this summer, though. We all successfully transformed and ba-da-bing, we were in business. Except we didn’t really know how to break it to you without you being worried or offended or going on your usual rants. So we decided to just be there for you your first full moon back and let you find out that way…” James trailed off.

“Except,” Sirius broke in, looking grim, “You wouldn’t hear us out after it. And stopped talking to us. Which was our bad, really, we should have just told you beforehand. But we needed you to see how effective it is so you wouldn’t just shit on it right away. And it was effective, wasn’t it? You didn’t get a single scratch. Plus, we kinda had fun. Alright, we had a lot of fun. The wolf isn’t half bad if you’re not human.”

All three boys looked at Remus wearily, awaiting to see if they were about to get told off and lectured. Remus remained silent for a moment, a series of expressions flashing across his face before it settled on strangely blank. He reached out and grabbed Sirius and James and pulled them against him violently, smashing them into his chest. 

“You stupid, stupid, brilliant bloody arseholes,” he muttered, “Pete, come here, you too,” he added and a moment later Peter joined them on the bed and was brought into the crushing hug as well. “I can’t believe you… you did that, for me. That’s the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me. I can’t- I can’t even believe you’d do that. I really can’t. I have no idea what I did to deserve you lot.”

“We’d do anything for you, Moons,” Sirius said affectionately, absolutely enjoying his spot pressed up against Remus’s chest. He was quite honestly finding it hard to focus on anything due to the blood in his head rushing southwards but he tried his best to concentrate. 

“You’re our brother,” James said sincerely, his voice muffled since his face was smashed against Remus. 

Sirius found he didn’t quite agree with that statement since his feelings for Remus were far from brotherly, but he let it slide. After a moment Remus finally released them and the boys all shuffled back a bit, trying to put up a more macho front after that display of emotions. Remus looked rather embarrassed but mostly pleased. A giant smile was on his face and he looked as though he was a second away from crying. Sirius was so happy the boy didn’t hate them anymore and couldn’t help himself from messing up Remus’s hair affectionately.

“Well, glad that’s out of the way,” Peter said in a voice he had made a bit deeper than his normal one, “are we all quite good now?”

“We are, Pete,” Remus said.

“Perfect! Does that mean I can transform and go spy on the girls dorms now? James said I can’t do it until I ask you.”

James and Sirius both let out loud laughs but Remus just sighed in a long-suffering way and shook his head. “Peter, dear Merlin, please don’t do that. You’re gonna get stepped on.”

“As long as I get to see up some skirt I’m okay with that.”

“Peter, they’ll kill you.”

“If that’s the way I go, that’s the way I go.”

“Peter, no.”

“Bah, I forgot you’re no fun…” Peter mumbled, then whispered “I’m gonna do it anyways.”

“PETER!” Remus yelled, obviously having heard him, and chucked Sirius’s pillow straight at the boy’s head.

“Ow, watch it!”

“That’s just a pillow, imagine how bad it’s gonna hurt when they literally step on you with their feet!”

“Fine, fine, you got me.”

James and Sirius had both dissolved into silent laughs throughout this entire exchange but stopped abruptly when Remus turned his glare to them. Sirius held up his hands in surrender and James just turned to hide on his bed. 

“We’ve really missed you, Rem,” James said from the cover of his pillow he was now hiding a bit behind, fearing Remus’s arm.

“I missed you lot, too. Life is much more boring without your chaos everyday.”

Sirius brightened at that. “And here we thought you were tired of our craziness!”

“Not yet, mate. Close, though, I’m sure. Did I miss any big pranks?”

James shook his head, “Nah, we’ve been missing you too much to plan anything. Plus, you’re our idea man. What’re we supposed to do without our idea man?”

“Fair point,” Remus said as he laughed softly.

“Oh, Rem, how’s Lily?” Sirius asked, hoping he sounded casual.

“Quite fine. She’s actually…” Remus trailed off, glancing quickly at James. “I’m not sure how to say this, mate.”

“Say what?” James asked.

“Well… Lily, I’m pretty sure she’s into Snape.”

That statement was met with a resounding silence. Peter looked horrified, Sirius felt horrified, and James just looked shocked.

“Snivellius?” Sirius asked, not quite believing what he’d just heard, “she likes Snivellius?”

Remus nodded sadly. Sirius’s brain had stumbled to a halt. Lily and Snivellius. It made absolutely no sense. Not a single bit of it. 

“I’m sorry, mate,” Remus said sincerely to James. 

“No, it’s quite fine. She can like who she likes, it’s fine.”

That statement was met with another round of silence. Peter looked horrified, Sirius, though not entirely unsurprised given their conversation earlier, still felt horrified on principle, and Remus looked shocked.

James shrugged nervously, not looking at any of them. “Don’t give me that, she is free to like whoever she likes. And she hasn’t shown any interest in me so I mean… It makes sense, doesn’t it? They’re always hanging round together.”

Sirius was pretty sure James had lost his mind. He knew his mate was somewhat into his brother now but this… This was concerning. This meant he really DID like his brother. Why else would James Potter lose interest in Lily Evans, the girl he had been in love with since first year? Sirius had half a mind to confront him over it right now but he had a feeling if he did James would retaliate about Remus and he had no urge to get into that with an audience. Instead, in a rare show of self control, Sirius remained quiet and waited for Peter and Remus to come out of their shocked silence.

“You’re… You’re over her? Just like that?” Remus said, breaking the silence. James just shrugged. “Well, I really missed a lot, didn’t I? Jesus and Merlin…”

“I never thought I’d see the day,” Peter said, sounding in awe.

“Does that mean Sirius gets a crack at her now?” Remus asked.

Sirius and James both jumped, staring at Remus in shock.

“What the hell, Remus?” James said.

“Well, she is the only Gryffindor girl in our year he hasn’t snogged. It’s a valid question.”

“It really is not! Me and Lily! Dear Merlin, what’s gotten into you?! You’ve spent far too much time with that girl, I’m telling you!” Sirius balked.

Remus just shrugged, seeming unconcerned with the two boys' reactions. Sirius found himself offended that Remus thought he’d just go after Lily like that, even if he did have a reputation of a womanizer. He thought Remus at least would see that he hadn’t chased after anyone so far this year. Apparently not, which just depressed him. 

“I’m pretty sure Lily isn’t his type, mate,” James said.

“Sirius doesn’t have a type.”

“Hey! I do too!”

“Right, I forgot, your type is anything in a skirt.”

“Maybe last year but not anymore!”

“I find that very hard to believe. You go through women faster than I go through chocolate.”

“You thick git, I haven’t even snogged a single girl this term!”

“A miracle, truly.”

“Have you really not noticed?!”

“I haven’t TRIED to notice!”

“Well, maybe I WANT you to notice!”

“Why the hell would you want me of all people to notice?!”

“Maybe I don’t want you to think I’m some kinda womanizer anymore!”

“Why does it matter what I think?”

“I want you to like me you bloody fucking arsehole!”

James chose that moment to cough loudly, shocking both boys out of their argumentative hazes. Sirius had forgotten then anyone else was even in the room. He felt his face heat up and hoped desperately that Remus would not take that last bit the way he meant it. He wasn’t sure if he could deal with rejection at that moment, especially having just got Remus to talk to him again.

Remus sighed loudly and then patted the spot next to him on Sirius’s own bed. Sirius sat down beside him quickly and tried his best not to panic.

“Sirius, you know I like you. You’re my best mate,” Remus said softly.

There was one of two ways Sirius could take this: that Remus hadn’t realized he meant he romantically liked him and was just reassuring him of their friendship, or he realized what Sirius had said but was trying to let him down lightly. For the sake of his own mental health, Sirius decided to think it was the first option and threw an arm around Remus’s shoulder, pulling him against his side. He bonked their heads together lightly, earning a small chuckle from Remus.

“I know, Rem. I just don’t wanna disappoint you is all,” he said lightly.

“Just don’t shag a Slytherin and we’ll be fine.”

Sirius laughed loudly at that and looked over to where James was sitting on his bed and gave him a big wink. He watched the boy color quickly while he seemed to struggle to maintain a blank face. This reaction led Sirius to believe with absolute certainty that James was into his brother. He quickly pushed that thought aside though and buried it in that box deep within himself where he kept things he never wanted to think about. Now it went: mommy issues, catching Narcissa snogging Malfoy first year, accidentally calling Professor McGonagall ‘mum’ during class in second year, daddy issues, catching Peter wanking the day before the end of last term, and James Potter wanting to shag his brother. A respectable list of horrifying things to never again think about.

Sirius focused his attention back on Remus who had started interrogating James while he’d been busy repressing things.

“No, there’s no one else, Rem,” James said, sounding extremely exasperated.

“I don’t believe it one bit. You couldn’t move on from Lily if you didn’t fall for another bird, it’s just how you are. You’re too loyal for your own damn good, mate.”

“He’s got you there,” Peter put in, his voice muffled. The boy had arranged himself on his bed in his “I’m going to promptly pass out and start snoring in five minutes” position, which was just him sprawled out face down with three blankets smothering him.

“Maybe I’ve just matured-” James tried, but the rest of his sentence was drowned out by three loud laughs. James shot the boys all glares and huffed loudly before pulling his blankets up to his chin and turning to face away from everyone, but the boys continued to laugh at his reaction. It seemed everyone was in good spirits tonight, all more than happy to be able to talk to each other again. “You’ve all offended me greatly. I am hurt, deeply.” James muttered dramatically.

“You set yourself up for that, to be fair,” Sirius pointed out. 

“Oh shut up you arse, I’m going to bed!”

“Nighty-night Jamesy-wamesy!” 

“Sirius, don’t make me come over there.”

“Please do, I’d love a cuddle, mate.”

“Nope, you’re not getting anywhere near me. Remus, he’s all yours!” James called as he closed his curtains a bit more aggressively than needed, but in good jest.

“Oh fine, I guess I’ll have to manage,” Remus sighed but he was smiling brighter than Remus had seen for nearly a week.

Sirius smiled up at him, reeling a bit from finally being able to talk to Remus again. He hadn’t realized just how much he had missed the tall git. “Shove over, you’re taking up the whole bed,” Sirius said as he shoved Remus lightly.

Remus rolled his eyes but moved over to allow Sirius to sprawl out next to him. There wasn’t a lot of room on the bed, especially since both boys had grown quite a bit, but they managed to make it work. As they had a small tug-of-war over blankets, they heard Peter start snoring his usual ear splitting way. After they were finally comfortable, both laying on their backs and staring up at the ceiling, Remus cleared his throat quietly. “You good?” Sirius asked him.

“Yeah, I was just gonna say-” Remus started but quickly cut himself off and seemed to switch tracks quickly, blurting out, “do you wanna cig?”

“Mate it’s like almost midnight on a school night.”

He felt Remus turn a bit to look at him and then he was shoved lightly on the shoulder as Remus said, “Well, I’ll be damned, have you finally matured a bit?”

“Oh come off it, you know me maturing is just as laughable as James maturing. Actually, maybe even more so.”

“Definitely more so.”

Sirius shoved him lightly. “Oh fuck off, prick.”

“Nope, you’re never getting rid of me again. Nice try, though.”

Sirius was far too flustered at that and had to take a quick deep breath and try to focus on keeping his voice even before he could respond. “Well, good,” he said quietly.

Remus was quiet for a minute. “I missed you, you know?” 

Now Sirius was definitely about to blurt out something stupid or grab his hand or Merlin forbid, kiss him, because DAMN, did that hit him straight in the heart. He was grateful for the dark because he was sure that he was making a stupidly happy expression that would give him away in a second. “I missed you too, git,” he finally managed to respond.

It was quiet for a moment but to Sirius’s dumb bent heart if felt like years. He was terrified Remus would figure him out just from the tone of his voice. He knew he had to sound like some dumb blushing fool but he really couldn’t help it, it was nearly impossible to not act like this around Remus, especially when he was saying things like that.

“Thank you,” Remus blurted out quietly, starling Sirius a bit.

“For what?”

“You know. For becoming an animagus… For me.”

“Remus, I’d do anything for you. You have to know that.”

“I know,” Remus said. He was then quiet for a moment before saying, “You’re too caring for your own good.”

“No, James is the caring one, remember? I’m the tramp.” Sirius had meant to say that jokingly but it fell rather flat and he immediately wished he’d just kept his mouth shut.

Remus was quiet for a few long, agonizing, moments, moments in which Sirius found himself about to go jump off the Astronomy tower. When he spoke again, though, he sounded sad to Sirius’s ears. “You’re not a tramp. I know you care about others, Sirius, you care more deeply than just about anyone but James. I’m sorry I said all that earlier, I think I’m just a bit… Well, jealous.”

Sirius felt his heart speed up to a pace that had to be far beyond healthy but managed to choke out, “jealous?”

“Yeah. Dating and flirting has always come easy to you. Meanwhile, I couldn’t talk to a girl to save my life. My fears literally go: full moon, girls!”

“Right,” Sirius said quietly, feeling as if he’d just got punched in the gut. 

“I’m pathetic, I know.”

“You’re not. You just need some confidence and you’ll be fine.”

“Yes, because me and confidence would be such easy friends, sure.”

“Remus you have to know how excessively hot you are,” Sirius said flatly. This whole conversation was making him want to crawl under his bed for a few months and never speak to anyone again.

“What?!”

Sirius just sighed. “Remus, you are hot. Like very hot. And charming. And smart. And funny. It’s the golden combination for snagging birds. You’re gonna be fine.”

Remus didn’t seem convinced but instead deeply embarrassed as he had made a small choking sound the second Sirius had said ‘hot.’ Sirius found his disappointment turning into exhaustion though and was only half paying attention to Remus’s response.

“How can you just say things like that so easily?!”

“It’s easy to say the truth…” Sirius muttered, trying and failing to stop a yawn.

“Oh.”

“Beddy-bye time, Moons,” Sirius whispered as he snuggled himself deep under the covers. He didn’t hear if Remus had said anything in response, instead he drifted off quickly. 

When Sirius stirred awake the next morning he knew something was off. He was way too warm, much warmer than he usually was. He cracked open an eye carefully and found himself unable to look away from the sight in front of him. Remus was fast asleep facing him, his left hand tucked under his head and his right arm thrown loosely over Sirius. Sirius had never seen the boy look so peaceful. The usual dark circles under his eyes were just slightly lighter and his hair was a wild mess around his face, the ends curling over his forehead and splaying out on his pillow. His first and only instinct was to reach out and pull him into his chest and make sure he was able to remain in this peaceful state for as long as he wanted. As tired as Sirius was, he found himself reaching out a bit to do just that but shocked himself awake enough to stop himself. Oh, he was so fucked. He’d gone and done it, there was no doubt about it now. He was in love with Remus.


End file.
